What Becomes of Us Now?
by BarbiesEmoTwin
Summary: Buffy has been resurrected. She's different. Wrong. Will the Scoobies ever be forgiven? Spike is the only one who knows what she's going through. But can he help? Season 6, AU. Better summary inside.
1. Chapter 1 - Prologue

Summary:  
Buffy has just been brought back from the dead, but she isn't the same as she once was. She's traumatized, scared, then she gets angry. Can Buffy forgive the Scoobies for playing God with her life. She starts to spiral out of control. Can Spike help her before Buffy gets lost in her self?

Set: AU Season 6 and onwards. Not following canon but might throw some bits in there.  
Disclaimer: Well I would certainly love to own anything to do with Buffy, but unfortunately, I don't. Curse this wretched world!  
Joss is master of the universe!

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I was back. I really was. These people, which my memories later told me were my friends, had brought me back. They had pulled me from the peace that had come for me following my death. I had actually died. Willingly. They had thought that it was their right to pass judgement on whether or not I was to live or die. Now, sitting back in the bathroom at Revello Drive with Dawn cleaning me up felt wrong, like I didn't **belong** any more. I had sacrificed my life for Dawn, I was ready for the end, I had done all I could and I wasn't scared. My life was never supposed to be that of any normal girl, and even though prolonging my life had been my main goal through-out everything, when I finally realised I had done all I could for the world, my friends thought I hadn't given enough, that I owed the world more of the excruciating pain, the loneliest, the heartbreak and terrifying horrors of the slayer life.

Dawn had never looked so happy, there were tears regularly sliding down her checks and she was repeating the same sentence every minute or so. "I just can't believe your here, really here" She was looking at me in awe as if she were seeing the sun for the very first time, like there was hope in the world again. She stood in the bathroom with me helping me change out of the clothes that they had buried me in. Dawn finished off the buttons on my shirt and started looking for medical supplies to help with the small cuts on my arms and the bloody mass that were once my knuckles. Before she could start there was banging and shouting from downstairs and the sudden slam of the front door. "That's Spike, he's going to be so excited!" Dawn squealed running out the room. All coherent thoughts seemed to be passing me by. I followed her though, it seemed the logical thing to do. I felt; numb, broken. But worst of all, I felt, **wrong**.


	2. Chapter 2

Summary, disclaimer and such things are on the first page. Enjoy! If you feel nice enough you could even review but hey, I'm just here for the shits and giggles. Having a little fun with possibly the **best** television show to ever grace our screens!

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I knew the Little Bit was home as soon as I walked over the threshold. Daft bint, scared the crap out of me running away like that. If my heart could beat it probably would have exploded way before now with the worry that consumes me when she's not where she's supposed to be, or even if she's late coming back.  
I step towards the bottom of the stairs ready to go up and give her the over used 'Don't do that again' speech but I already hear her coming towards me from upstairs, I even think she was talking to someone up there. As soon as she steps into view at the top of the stairs I start the speech. We've had it so many times since Buffy had left.  
I couldn't save either of them that day, but I swore to myself I would protect Dawn from then on, so here I was, walking into the house as if I belonged and acting like the brother/dad that neither Summers women had ever really had. Excusing ol' Rupert of course. Bit stopped me before I could even reach a quarter of the way through though. "Spike. Look"

There she was, in all her glory. I knew it wasn't the bot as soon as I saw her. She was looking straight at me as she descended the stairs. She looked exactly like she had before she had jumped. Buffy. My mind wanted to refuse what was standing before me, I had dreamt for her return every night. It was always the same dreams, the first, where I was quicker, faster, stronger and better thus she needn't have jumped. The other, was when my brain remembered Buffy had already jumped, she had already sacrificed herself but that by some divine miracle she comes back, no worse for wear. I thought all my dreams had come true. But that was before I smelt the blood.

I was checking every inch of her with my eyes for cuts and scrapes, it looked like Dawn had already cleaned up or bandaged the ones on her arms. Then I her saw her hands, or what used to be her delicate but lethal hands. Now, they were unrecognisable. Cut all over, deep grooves of skin missing directly over her knuckles and blood slowly but surely trickling down over her fingers and on to the step where she stood, I don't even think she noticed the blood. I felt sick looking at it. I knew what she had done. "Dawn, get the stuff for her hands. Now" I said without taking my eyes off Buffy. Now that the initial shock was starting to wear off I really looked at her, her face in particular. She was so beautiful. But there was an almost blank look to her face, her eyes were vacant and the way she was standing was as if she was trying to make herself look as small as possible.

While Bit ran upstairs to get the medical things for Buffy, I real gently made my way to her side giving her time to back away if needed, I took her elbow and she made no move against me as I led her to the sofa and sat her down. She hadn't uttered a single word yet and her eyes never left my own. Like she was looking but not really seeing. I sat myself on the coffee table in front of her and took her hands in mine. She cast a glance down at our joined hands then looked back in my eyes. "Buffy. Luv, I know how you got these. I'm so sorry you had to do that on your own. If I had known, I'd have been there pet. Done it myself. Know how scary it is" She gave no gestures to say that I was right, but I knew I was. Dawn came bounding down the stairs then looking happier then I had ever seen her, she handed me the first aid kit and sat next to Buffy and just stared at her with a big goofy grin on her face.

My earlier elation was dimming more and more. I was getting more scared by the minute. Could Buffy get over what she had had to do. Digging yourself out of a coffin was hard at best, but to be there alone and confused must have been terrifying for her. The fact that she hadn't even turned to look at Dawn wasn't helping matters in any way either. I don't think Dawn noticed though, too caught up in the moment. I cleaned her cuts as softly as I could manage then bandaged her hands. Buffy was just staring at them, like she hadn't ever seen them. She turned them back and forward a lot. Then all hell seemed to break loose as four Scoobies came crashing through the front door shouting for Buffy. They knew she had come back.

The slayer jumped off the sofa quick as lightning and backed herself in to the wall cowering. Everyone fell silent as we watched her. It wasn't right, the slayer didn't cower! Red was the first to recover from the shock of seeing her so scared. "Buffy, you're back! I know you're probably a bit dazed and confused but you're here. We brought you back!" Willow rushed towards her with arms outspread to wrap her friend in a hug but I got in front before she could reach Buffy. "Red, trust me when I say back off. Now" I said in an almost growl. Behind me I could hear Buffy breathing heavy and the smell of fear and loathing rolling off her in waves. Why was there loathing towards Red? Willow looked angry because I had stopped her and then worried when she caught sight of her friend with her arms wrapped around herself as she sank to the ground. "Baby, Spike is right, come back over here. Give her some space" Tara stepped forward slightly to take the witch's hand and pull her slightly. Thankfully Willow backed off.

Tara gave me a pained look. She knew something. Xander, being the absolute pillock he is started raising his voice immediately. "Since when have you known what's best for Buffy, what's in her best interest! We're the ones who brought her back. You don't get a say in how and when we visit our friend!" I took two long strides to stand in front of him, almost nose to nose. "You have no right to call yourselves that, any of you! Obviously I know a hell of a lot more then you idiots if I can see the slayer is in no mood for company and over excited friends who are going to overcrowd her right now" I keep my voice level, but there is no mistaking the loathing and contempt in it.

Xander is just about to reply when Dawn speaks up. She's sitting at Buffys side on the floor rubbing her sisters arms to try re-assure her I guess. "Spike's right you guys, look at her. She doesn't need this right now. I'm going to take her to bed, try get her to sleep" Bit slowly raises off the floor bringing a compliant slayer with her. We all watch in silence and wide eyes as Buffy steps by and goes up the stairs with Dawn. She always was the sensible one. "Bit can you stay up there with her for a bit please, make sure she's ok. Need to have a word with the white hats here" I say to her as she nears the top of the steps. She nods and carries on leading her sister to her bedroom.

As soon as the slayers bedroom door closes I turn to face the waiting faces of her so called friends. " Do you have any idea what you've done!" I shout. All their faces start to fall, they don't see it fully yet do they, to excited seeing the slayer back to really take in what's happening. Willow is next to started shouting. " Of course we know, we've brought her back! Why aren't you happy?" Tara turns and sits on the couch and puts her face in her hands. This goes unnoticed by the other three still standing in the living room but I see it. Glinda knows something is wrong. "But at what consequences! You've never been this stupid before. You knew she could come back different, not right. You're playing with peoples lives as if it's a game! You knew that if she didn't come back as she was, that there was a chance that we would have to kill her!" I practically roar the last sentence. Xander looks completely dumbstruck and looks at Willow with a pleading face, obviously trying to get her to refute these claims and tell everyone she knew what she was doing. But it doesn't come. The silence speaks wonders, she never told Anya or Xander, but I suspect Glinda already had an idea.


	3. Chapter 3

Summary, disclaimer and such things are on the first page. Enjoy! If you feel nice enough you could even review but hey, I'm just here for the shits and giggles. Having a little fun with possibly the **best** television show to ever grace our screens!

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"Bloody hell" I muttered under my breath. The whelp was looking at Red like he'd never seen her before. He slowly sank down next to Tara and the ex demon moved to rest on the arm of the chair and started rubbing his arm. "Of course I knew the risks, but I knew I could do it you guys! I'm sorry that I didn't tell you but I didn't think that I needed too. We needed Buffy, and now she's here. Thanks to me may I remind you" The witch replied finally. She wasn't shouting but the noise level was still higher than your average conversation. " Oh get off your high horse you daft bint, it's not just the slayer that has to deal with your idiotic spell, it's you. Dark magic has a taste of you now, ever think of that ay? What could happen to you?" I said in a strained voice, trying to convey the importance of what I was saying. I'd been around a long time, seen magic mess with people in the worst ways. Kept myself away from it best I could.

To say the atmosphere in the room was tense would have been an understatement. "But you knew? That we would have to hurt Buffy if things didn't go to plan, which living on a Hellmouth is usually the case. Will how could you take that risk? With Buffy, with yourself?" The boy looked pained. He kept looking at the faces around us. " Now you've made us a part of this, Buffy and you could be in danger and it's our fault. If we'd have known I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have gone through with this at all. Buffy would never have wanted for you to put yourself in harms way just to help her." There were small nods from Glinda and Anya, they were hopefully grasping the repercussions that were bound to occur now they had raised someone from the dead. Xander was pacing now rubbing his hands over his face.

I didn't want to get involved in this argument, I had said my piece. While Boy Wonder and the red witch were arguing over why nobody else seemed to be happy about the slayer being back but her I sat myself next to her other half. " Spike, this is terrible. We've caused so much damage!" She practically wailed. She was the best of the Scoobies, never a bad word to say. Never treated my with the disrespect that the others had shown me, even when I had worked alongside them all summer long. "I'm glad you're starting to see sense pet, what you lot 'av done was wrong." I didn't shout, I had more respect for her then that. They were only trying to bring their friend back, it's been done now, there was nothing for us to do about it. The white witch seemed to be taking things pretty bad though. Tears were streaming down her face and her hands were shaking in her lap.

"Her aura Spike, it was.. almost blank. The only other colour I could see was black. I've never seem something like that. There's so much pain in her, I could see it, all around her. Buffys not there any more Spike. What is left couldn't even be called a shell." All I could do was stare, I had forgotten Tara could see auras, obviously that's why she had caught on far quicker than the others. Unfortunately, there had been a lull in the heated argument between Slayerette 1 and Slayerette 2 and they heard all of what Glinda had said. "She's probably just in shock, I mean we brought her out of a hell dimensions, she's fine, I'm fine. Everything is fine you hear me!" Reds voice had raised several notes at the end of her reply. Anya spoke up for the first time since they had come bursting through the door. "Maybe she's wrong. Did you not see the way she acted when we came in? No 'thank-you' or smiles. I don't even think she knew who we were." Everyone stared at her, she had said what none of us could voice ourselves. "What do you expect her to do, run in to yours arms like this is the best day of her life?" I asked incredulous.

"Well yeah, basically" came the whelps reply. Stupid gits. "Like I said before, you have no idea what's she's been through, how can you call yourselves friends? You left her to dig herself out of her own coffin and grave, ever think that's just a tiny bit traumatic? Her hands were in ruins, it's going to take weeks for them to heal, even with her slayer strength. To wake up trapped in a cold, pitch black box only the smallest bit bigger then you are. First having to break through the wood, then claw yourself out of the two meters or more of earth that's surrounding your own coffin. You're so bloody clueless, the lot of you" I say all this with a sad voice, not looking at them. After a minute of silence I look up into their faces. There is only two expressions visible and it's mirrored on all their faces, shock and disbelief.

"Oh god. W-we didn't know" Red whispers. Her comment makes me angry and I can't help but shout back at her. "Of course you didn't know! You stupid girl, Buffy may be fine but the scars left from that experience may never fade. Let's lock you in the ground and see how well you fair after shall we? You'll never be able to apologize enough to make that sort of pain disappear. The only thing that we can hope for is that she represses the memory and forgets it." Glinda moves to her witch's side as she starts to cry. The boy just looks like he's in shock, standing dead still. "Lil' Bit doesn't even see it. How she hasn't said a word or even looked in her direction. To elated at seeing her sis' back in the world. Do not say a word about it to her, she doesn't need to hear it, she was fragile enough as it was, but to then tell her Buffy might never be the sister she was again would crush her, we'd lose her like we've lost Buffy." I say this in a whisper to match Reds, to exhausted to shout. Dawnie is mine to protect, if we've lost the slayer I'll do all I damn well can to keep the Bit from the same fate. She's the sister I never had. Do anything for her, just like I would for her sister.

Nobody says anything as we stand or sit for a few silent minutes until the ex-demon stands up to speak. "We should leave. Spike is right. We have no idea, but he's the only one with experience with what Buffy went through. He can talk to her, make her see she's ok." Anya had never been outwardly mean or condescending towards me but this was the first time she had put her neck out for me, she knew the others probably wouldn't agree with her but she knew Buffy needed my help more. Instantly the boy wonder blew up, which was to be expected of course. "You're not seriously thinking this bleached fanged vamp should be here with the Buffster on his own in her condition Ahn?" Surprisingly, the white witch interjected saying "Spike has been here every day with Dawnie, more than any of us have. What makes you think either of them wouldn't be safe?" Ha. I'd treasure the look on the boy's face for years to come, it was priceless. Mouth hanging open, face turning red in anger but the look that said he'd been bested in the discussion was the best.

He still had something to say though, git. "He's just going to start up his sick little obsession with Buffy again though, don't you see it? He'll twist this round and make it seem like we didn't care if she came back wrong. Turn her against us!" I laughed. Out loud. "Well you didn't care did you? It's true" I reply. He was just looking for excuses though, everyone knew from the way he was glancing quickly between his friends to see if any of them agreed with him. Which thankfully they didn't really seem to. Willow just grabbed his arm and then they all started shuffling out of the living room towards the door. Before they left I pulled Red back. "I'm sorry I shouted, I know you meant well, and despite what I say, it's good to see her back. I'll help her Red, her safety and well being mean more to me then you know." She gave me a sad smile and left, closing the door behind her. With my back against the door I slid to the floor trying to make sense of the day.


	4. Chapter 4

Summary, disclaimer and such things are on the first page. Enjoy! If you feel nice enough you could even review but hey, I'm just here for the shits and giggles. Having a little fun with possibly the **best** television show to ever grace our screens!

**BTW: **_I'll probably steal a few lines here and there from different episodes, see if you can remember which ones :)_

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How could so much have happen in such a short amount of time? I admit, seeing her again, it was the best moment of my unlife so far. Now though, she could become a danger to herself, and if she did, I would be the one to have to take her out. The white hats could never take her down by themselves, she's too strong now. I'd have to find a way around the chip, but she deserves my help, any way I can give it. I don't know how long I sat there on the floor in the Summers home but eventually I pulled myself up and went upstairs to check on the girls. Hearing two fluttering heartbeats in the house was a treasure I thought I had lost forever but there it was, it was almost hypnotizing. I followed the sound through the house and stopped just outside her door. I had sat on the end of Buffy's bed surrounding myself with her scent every time the Bit went to sleep, I could probably find her anywhere now. It had been nice to think that just for a moment that she was out patrolling and that she'd be back any second to yell at me about being in her room.

Slowly I opened Buffy's door, Dawnie was sleeping curled up on her sister's bed. But said sister was halfway through her window with a pained look on her face. As soon as she saw me she vanished, jumping to the floor below. I rushed to the window but by the time I looked out there she was already running. I flew down the stairs as quickly but as quietly as I could, Lil' Bit would be terrified to wake up and see that her sister had gone missing after just getting her back. I was out the front door in a matter of seconds and running in the direction I had seen her head in. Where would she go? I picked up her scent on the wind, she smelt of daisies and sunshine but there was something else, something that I should have noticed earlier. It was the smell of death. I knew I could find her though. It was just a matter of whether or not she stayed still for long enough for me to catch up.

It didn't take long. After a few miles I realised where she was heading. Joyce's grave. She was there huddled up against her mums gravestone sobbing uncontrollably. The scent of grief was heavy in the air around her. The slayer knew I was there because her back stiffened and she stopped crying immediately. My heart broke at the sight of her, never seen someone look so lost or broken. She turned to face me slowly, wary of me, that in its self was enough to make me shiver. The slayer hadn't been afraid of me in a very long time, if ever. "Is this hell?" she whispered with lips trembling, her voice was so small. If I wasn't watching her face so intently I wouldn't have heard it. "Well I can see why you'd think that luv, what with me being here and all but ya mum not. Lovely lady she was, didn't deserve to go out the way she did. But unfortunately pet, this it just plain ol' Sunnyhell" She gave a small nod and turned away. I could smell her tears, I wanted so baldly to wrap her in my arms and tell her it would be ok. Buffy didn't deserve to be lied to like that though. Also not to mention the part where the slayer would never allow anything like that to happen between us, she just needed time and space. I could do that.

I walked away from Joyce's grave but didn't go far enough that if a vamp came through that I couldn't protect her. She was quite obviously in no shape to fight off anybody, even someone like the whelp could probably over power her in the state she was in right now. I stood there in the moonlight for over an hour watching over her as she cried and cried, eventually she fell asleep on the ground and I slowly stepped toward her and scooped her up, taking more care with her then I had done with anything I had ever handled before. I tried my best to keep her jostling to a minimum, she looked so small and defenceless in my arms. I knew I'd never get this chance again so I took my time walking back to the house, my eyes never leaving her form. Her eyes never fluttered once, she looked so peaceful in sleep. It wasn't until I had deposited Buffy in her old lady's bed - which I had been using when the Bit had wanted me stay the night - that she woke at all. "Spike, is that you? Did you bring me home?" at least she was talking, that was definitely a plus. I didn't know what to do, being around the slayer always made me in to a blabbering idiot. I just stood in the doorway and nodded. "Thank-you, please don't tell Dawnie I ran" Buffy pleaded. I would grant the lady anything, she would never have to beg. " Wouldn't dream of it pet. Get some sleep, night Buffy."

She pulled her boots off and slide into bed. "Night Spike" I turned out of the room and shut the door softly behind me, and then I headed towards Buffy's room to check on Dawn again. The window Buffy had jumped through was still wide open so I walked to it and closed it quietly, noticing Dawn was still on the top of the covers I slid them back and shifted her into the bed properly. Man did I feel like a house broken vamp, tucking girls in to their beds at night. Now I wanted to go down to the kitchen where Bit had started stocking blood for me in the fridge, maybe a few hard drinks as well. After my mind had calmed down a bit it turned to the watcher, he obviously hadn't known what the brats were up to otherwise he's be here right? They can't have told him yet either 'cause he would have being phoning non-stop till someone told him how Buffy was. Suppose I could do it, Rupes would see it my way, how dangerous and stupid the Scoobies had been.

It was around six in the morning back in the motherland, not too early for the watcher. Even if it was I didn't care, still evil here. "Yes? What do you want?" That was his opening statement, still half asleep it seems. "Watcher. Go grab yourself a drink mate. You're going to need one when I drop this bloody bombshell on ya" The other end was silent for a moment, then I could hear rustling. "Spike? Is that you? Why on earth are you calling me in England? Not enough for you to invade my home whenever you wanted so now you're making house calls to ruin my day before it is even to begin." Don't know why I ever try to help, the watcher always was rude. Buffy would need him though, she depended on the watcher. The old man had taken her death the worst, really hit him hard and he left for the merry ol' soon after. "Ripper, shut your bloody mouth for a sec. This isn't about you, it's important. Have you got your drink?" I replied in a serious voice. Obviously I had gotten through because his next sentence was almost frantic and I'm pretty sure I could hear him polishing his glasses through the phone. "What is it? Is everyone ok? Is there an imminent apocalypse? Shall I come back?" What was this? Twenty bleeding questions? "I'd make your way back pretty quick mate. Its Buffy, see... She's, well she's... back Rupert. Here. Upstairs" We were both silent as I let my statement sink in.

After a few minutes of what I guessed was stunned silence on his part old Rupert poured several drinks and polished his glasses even more several times after that. He's be on the next plane back and boy was he pissed. I'd have to make sure I was there when he gave the slayerettes a talking too. The next few hours went by pretty quickly sitting on the couch watching the telly when all of a sudden I heard the slightest sounds of movement from above, Buffy again. I could tell it was the slayer because she made hardly any sound compared to Dawn stomping back and forward through the house. I sat still listening for her almost silent footsteps. She was coming down the stairs. Buffy stopped when she saw me and gave me an odd look. Oops, she clearly didn't know that I stayed here most nights after she died. "Spike, why are you here? In my house?" She didn't sound mad though, just kind of curious. "Oh, Lil' Bit lets me stay most nights, well I say lets but it was more like **makes**. She got real lonely you see luv. I can go though pet, know you've hard a hard day." I stood up before she tried to kick me out but all she said was "Oh, don't leave on my account. I heard Tara say you've been here pretty much everyday with Dawn, this house feels like it's more yours than mine right now." I sank slowly back onto the sofa, maybe I wouldn't be getting a broken nose. What shocked me even more though was when the slayer took small shy steps towards me and sat herself down besides me. "Is this ok? Do you mind?" she asked quietly. I'm sure my eyes were bugging out of my head by now, if I wasn't already glued to my seat beside her I definitely would have fallen off my the chair in surprise.


	5. Chapter 5

Summary, disclaimer and such things are on the first page. Enjoy! If you feel nice enough you could even review but hey, I'm just here for the shits and giggles. Having a little fun with possibly the **best** television show to ever grace our screens!

**Joss is master on the universe!**

_Btw. __I'm British, so if I manage to slip in any words that sounds weird or you don't understand, then let me know and I'll make a key type thing at the beginning of the chapters to explain._

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It was awkward, she was actually asking for permission to sit next to me. I never thought I'd see the day where the slayer would asking nicely for anything. "Course, pet. This is still your house, even if it doesn't feel like it right now" We sat in silence and it was a few minutes before someone said something. "You're right, things are going to change now I'm back from the dead. Again. Might as well start getting used to change" There were a few more minutes of awkward silence where we just watched the telly together. The smell of death had faded from her scent now, but I couldn't help think that this Buffy here next to me, the one acting shy and asking permission was just the calm before the storm. The slayer seemed fine, just different. "Want anything from the kitchen, pet? I fancy another drink myself, been a hell of a bloody day wouldn't you say?" I called as I rose from the sofa and walked to the fridge. "I'll have whatever you're having" she called back. The day couldn't seem to get any weirder, the slayer hardly ever drank. I suppose she had earned one what with come back from the grave an all that. I brought out two glasses and a bottle of Jack and sat it on the coffee table. Before I had even sat my arse back down Buffy had poured out two drinks and was chugging the first. I was just reaching out for the second one when blondie took it from the table and started swigging it. "Might wanna slow yourself down there kitten, few more like that and you'll be drunk as a skunk in no time" I said in a serious voice. I couldn't help but laugh at her reply though, a small smile tugging on my lips. "Well like you said, it's been a hell of a day" I poured another two drinks and passed one of the glasses to her. "Whats say we toast ay luv, to living after death? Although you have me beaten 2:1 as of now goldilocks"  
"To living after death. May it not come for us again for a very, very long time"  
"Here, here. I'll definitely drink too that."  
"Cheers" we said in unison, clinking our glasses together then knocking them back in one.

She looked just as beautiful as she always had. Cute sushi pyjamas on and her golden hair all piled on the top of her head in a messy bun, she looked positively edible. No pun intended of course. We talked about how long she'd been gone for and what kind of baddies we'd been up against in her absence. Eventually she asked me the question I knew she had wanted to from the start. "What was it like Spike, when you had to break out your coffin?" It had been such a long time since I had thought about it, even longer since it had happened, over a hundred years in fact. "Well it's definitely not as easy as they make out to be in the movies is it pet?" I answered trying to lighten the subject slightly. But I carried on when she didn't crack a smile. "It was awful, horrifying. Waking up in the dark with no memory at first on how you got there. Scratching at the wood and trying to break through. I remember at first I had been scared I was going to run out of air in there, didn't hit me till after that I didn't bloody need it. Also Dru was there to help me the rest of the way out. But I guess you had an even rougher time of it then I did luv." I drank another whole glass of Jack straight after, I hated reliving the memories even now, but I had time to learn to suppress them. Would Buffy ever really forget though?

Buffy herself downed another drink before responding, we were on the last of the bottle by now. Heaving a huge sigh she answered "It was worse. I've never been so terrified, I've fought a hundred different monsters and never been as scared as I was when I was lying in that box with no way out. It was the cruellest type of torture, being alive but knowing if you don't think quickly you'll soon run out of oxygen" If she felt the tears falling slowly down her cheeks she made no move to wipe them from her eyes. She visually shuddered and brought her knees up against her chest and wrapped her arms around them. I leaned toward her uncertain if she'd let me touch her, but I needed touch her, re-assure her, tell her I understood. So I took one of her bandaged hands in mine rubbing it tenderly and with the other I gently wiped away the tears making tracks down her gorgeous sun kissed skin. "I know pet, I know." She only cried harder after that. "I had no idea where I was, I was alone, crying out for someone, anyone to come. But they never did. There was no one to help me and I was going to die in this dark box. The coffin seemed like it was closing in me, I knew it was impossible and yet I felt it. Like I was losing my mind. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, not ever." Buffy's breathing sped up greatly as she continued in great detail how she had felt. She was evidently reliving the experience as if she were there now. The slayer was clearly on the brink of a full scale panic attack. I scooted close to her to whisper in her ear and stroke her hair, not caring about the boundaries I was crossing.

"Buffy it's over now. I've got you pet, come back to me. Come on, come back Little Goldilocks. You're here, you're home and you safe again. Take some deep breaths for me sweetheart. Don't wanna wake the Nibblit up now do we." Her hands had a vice like grip around my hand and I'm pretty sure she may have broken something. Gradually however her grip lessened more and more. I could tell when she was back with me, her eyes were more lucid then they'd been a short few seconds ago. "Spike? What happened? I was here, then I was there again, but I could hear you. I followed your voice and now we're back again." She wiped at her eyes with the back of hand so I disentangled myself from her hair and I moved away from her, giving her some space. "Just a nightmare kitten, nothing to worry about. Time for this chosen one to go back to bed I think. We can talk more tomorrow yeah?" Her golden hair bounced around as she nodded and got to her feet. She was swaying, badly. That little body of hers obviously couldn't take much alcohol. The most skilled and coordinated fighter took one step forward and hit the edge of the coffee table sending her hurtling to the floor. I caught her in time and set her straight. "Is there an earthquake? 'Cause the floor seems to be shaking rather uncontrollably. Should we take cover or get under the table or something?" A chuckle burst from my throat immediately, leaving me with a grin on my face but left the Golden-Haired Warrior of the Night looking very intently at the floor at her feet. I swept my arms under her legs and marched up the stairs to my temporary room and lad her in the bed again like I had done earlier in the night. She tucked herself in straight away, snuggling into the pillow. "Thank-you for looking after me tonight Spike. Coming after me, but not crowding me when I ran. Letting me be weak but looking out for me at the grave, Most of all, thank-you for listening but not asking. You understand. I'm glad you're here." After that her eyes fluttered a few times and she was trying to fight it but she was soon breathing evenly and you could see her muscles visibly relaxing.

Buffy looked like a warrior whilst she was awake, asleep however, was a different story. She looked like a sleeping angel. Hair had escaped from her bun and fanned her face and her chest rose and fell silently. It was a sight I would never forget, how sleep could change a persons features so much. You could see no part of the slayer in the girl, she was just an incredible young women who literately carried the weight of the world on her shoulders more often then not. The need to protect her was so fierce right now, she may not know it yet, but she'd need me, to talk about her traumatic time. I could help her to get past it, I was willing to be what ever she needed to be whether that be; a friend, a listener, a punch-bag, a fighting partner, the person who kept the nightmares away, a lover, or even the silent companion.. who listened but never judged. Her bunch of wanker friends would judge her, they always did. She put them first, to make them happy and allowed their scrutiny to get her down. But she was first for me, I'd do anything to see her happy. I was changing. For her.


	6. Chapter 6

Summary, disclaimer and such things are on the first page. Enjoy! If you feel nice enough you could even review but hey, I'm just here for the shits and giggles. Having a little fun with possibly the **best** television show to ever grace our screens!

**Joss is master of the universe!**

_Btw. __I'm British, so if I manage to slip in any words that sounds weird or you don't understand, then let me know and I'll make a key type thing at the beginning of the chapters to explain._

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I woke up to the sound of Red's insistent knocking from where I was; down in the basement. I hadn't wanted to sleep in Bit's bed and the couch would have been too dangerous because of the sunlight. Must have been pretty early because Dawn was usually a pretty early riser and she would have usually got the door. I got out of the little cot with a groan and pulled a t-shirt over my head then headed up the stairs. Standing behind the door so I didn't catch any sunlight I let the red witch in. "Oh. You're still here. I thought Buffy would have chucked you out last night. Where is she? Is she ok? Has she said anything yet?" The witch looked like she hadn't slept all night, her hair was all askew and she has bags under her eyes. She walked into the kitchen and sat down at the breakfast table. I followed her in and made myself some Weetabix and blood. "The slayer is talking; said I was welcome here. She's having a hard time though Red, you wankers really did a number on her... She's in bad shape. I helped as best I could but you've caused a hell of a lot of damage, she can't even think about what happened without hyperventilating and nearly passing out." I said with a with an even voice. Willow looked crushed, serves her right really I thought. "Oh and I called the watcher. He's on the next plan out, he'll be able to help her more than I can, and the lady depends on him. Plus him and Lil' Bit are the only ones who haven't caused the bloody irreparable damage you and your lot have done." She looked scared, probably about what the watcher would say to her.

Almost silently Buffy walked down the stairs and into the kitchen ignoring Red and the look of awe on her face. "Buffy!" she said, full of hope. "How are you feeling?" Buffy turned on the spot and jump up to sit on the counter behind her. "And why do you care? " The slayer answered in a deadpan voice, which surprised both me and Red. The witch looked stunned beyond compare. "Buffy, I don't understand. Why wouldn't I care? I know we weren't there to help but we didn't even know if it worked" Willow replied with pleading in her voice. Buffy reacted badly to the witch's last statement and jumped off the counter. "Oh so I was that unimportant that you couldn't even wait to see if you'd even brought me back. Instead, you left me there, basically for dead. If I didn't have slayer strength I would of suffocated in that coffin and you would never have known. Tell me why I should be so full of gratitude right now Will. You clearly have no idea what it was like for me, I can't talk about it without having a flat out panic attack. My knuckles took so much damage last night breaking out of my coffin that I can't even clench them. So, are you happy? You got what you wanted right? I'm back" Willow looked like she's been slapped in the face, hard. I was so engrossed in the slayers speech and building anger that I didn't even noticed Nibblet coming into the kitchen to stand at the door staring at the witch with wide eyes.

"Is that true?" Bit asked quietly. Willow's head whipped round to find Dawn's eyes filling with tears. "Dawnie listen, w-we didn't know, we nev-" Bit didn't even give her a chance to finish.  
"I said, is it true?" Dawn said in a low and slightly dangerous voice while taking a step forward. The witch only nodded as tears fell from her eyes but it was enough to set little Dawn on the warpath. "You should leave now. You're not welcome here." Not a single tear escaped Dawnie's eyes; however you could hear the malice in the kid's voice. "Kitten, I'm with you on this one but it's not really your place to say. Your sis is who she's here to see, not us common folk. Best leave 'em too it luv." I stated taking hold of the younger Summer's shoulder to try turn her round "I need help packing the stuff I've got laying all over the place anyway pet, don't wanna be getting in anyone's way here." That got Dawn attention, Buffy's as well.  
"What? You're leaving? But I don't want you to Spike, please don't go." I didn't want to make a big deal out of things; the slayer would obviously want her house back to herself. I didn't have any reason to be here now; Buffy was here to look after Dawn. I had made my mind up last night after taking Buffy up to bed. She needed time to re-adjust to the world of the living again. "Spike is right Dawn" My cool façade almost slipped when she said it, I thought she was agreeing with me about my leaving but as it happens Buffy had something entirely different in mind. "It is my decision" she continued "But all three of us seem to agree, you're not welcome here anymore Willow. So please leave." Buffy's voice was emotionless, like she really didn't care about her friend right now. That was what evidently really set the witch off crying. Willow opened her mouth to say something but Buffy wasn't finished yet. "Spike you can move in permanently, Dawn needs someone to be here when I'm not and I'll need your help to get me back in shape. I can come with you later to the crypt to give you a hand bringing things over. Dawnie you want to help?

I don't think there was anyone else in the room more surprised than me right now. "Sure luv, why bloody not. Means you're not in charge anymore though Bit, can't pull that 'this is my house' crap on me." I said winking at her. Willow got out of her seat quickly, recovering from the bombshell first and stumbled over to where Buffy stood leaning against the refrigerator "Buffy please, you don't mean this! I understand you're upset but I don't know why you're chucking me out. What's with Spike moving in? You know that's helping anyone, are you sure you're feeling alright? I can help you. Use some healing spells on you." Buffy looked royally pissed now; I could see the anger crackling behind her eyes. I could feel it rolling off her in vast amounts. "Don't you think you've done enough?" Buffy declared with a resigned look on her face. "Tell the others not come around either, I can't talk to any of you right now." Willow just whimpered, grabbed her bag whilst scrubbing at the tears on her face and left.

The three of us remained in the kitchen for a while. While Buffy was making her and Dawn some breakfast me and the Bit were discussing housing arrangements. "I'll take the basement, there's already a cot down there, easily managed with the sunlight issue, it'll beat living in a hole in the ground I suppose, don't wanna be stepping on anyones toes."  
"Don't be stupid, stupid" Dawn said in a shocked voice. "You can have my room, it only has one window. I'll move into Buffy's room or mums old one. Buffy what do you think?" The slayer in question was just dishing up the pancakes; they'd been on the plate all of one second before Dawn was attacking them viciously with her fork. She could probably eat her weight in the things "Dawn slow down or you'll choke." Buffy chided before turning to me. "Spike you don't have to stay in the basement, I'm not ashamed of having you stay here. You have things in mums room right? You're welcome to stay in the room if you'd like. No need for all the room swapping. We can sort something with the windows." Bit and I looked at each other briefly; we were both wearing the same look. Like we were waiting for the other shoe to drop, Buffy had never been so outright polite to me, especially in front of her friends. I couldn't help but be excited with the development, however briefly it might be. Blondie was always prone to changing her mind whenever she wanted.

"If you're sure it's what you want kitten, who would I be to deny the chosen one her wishes ay?" I told her winking at her. She caught the wink and gave me one of those real genuine smiles, it drew my eyes to her soft pink lips and I felt ecstatic that I had caused it. "Bloody hell, how ever will I cope living with two lovely ladies such as yourselves? Must be my lucky day. So roomies, what's on the agenda for the Summers/Spike household? I say we drink to celebrate this most glorious occasion later. Drinks on me at The Bronze tonight? 'Cept you Bit, you can have tea or summin" Dawn came up behind me to hug me around the waist then ran upstairs complaining, something about having to find an outfit. Buffy was standing there, drink in hand with a ghost of a smile on her face. "How about it Summers? Go get your freak on with a bunch of sweaty strangers in a tightly compact, dimly lit room. Sounds good right? Wildest night or your newly risen from the dead life I'd say, wouldn't you?" She laughed and it was the most glorious sound in the world. I was so busy watching her face that I nearly missed the uneaten half of her banana being thrown my way, my hand shot out catching it mere inches from my face to discover it now squashed in my palm with parts of it falling onto my t-shirt and jeans then the floor as well . She giggled and strolled right past me out of the kitchen giving me a wink of her own and swaying her hips. "Smooth move blondie bear. I can see why you were such a threat to me way back when " she called back over her shoulder as I stared at her. I stood there in disbelief, that little wink alone was enough to send shivers throughout my entire body. Boy was I in trouble.


	7. Chapter 7

Summary, disclaimer and such things are on the first page. Enjoy! If you feel nice enough you could even review but hey, I'm just here for the shits and giggles. Having a little fun with possibly the **best** television show to ever grace our screens!

**Joss is master of the universe!**

_Btw. __I'm British, so if I manage to slip in any words that sounds weird or you don't understand, then let me know and I'll make a key type thing at the beginning of the chapters to explain._

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The day moved by pretty quickly, we closed up all the blinds and curtains around the house so I could move around freely whilst me and Buffy moved most of Joyce's bedroom furniture into the basement. It had the illusion of domestic bliss. Me and the slayer working together without a single barb between us, Bit helping out whenever she could. I'm not saying it wasn't pleasant; because it was. It was just odd, she was so quiet. The slayer I knew would always have something to say, she had always been Miss High and Mighty. Even on the occasions where I had helped out she'd pull out all the stops to make her feelings toward me crystal clear. This Buffy, she seemed distant. She laughed at Nibblets jokes and smiled in all the right places but she wasn't really there, her heart wasn't in it. Dawn couldn't see it but I could. I could only hope she was just easing back in too things.

As the sun set, we made our way to Restfield cemetery. It was a two birds with one stone type gig, blondie had a chance to test her reactions with the couple of vamps lurking around and then after that we gathered up some the stuff from the crypt and carted it on back to my new gaff. Buffy disposed of the fledgings quickly, but not as quick as I've seen her before. I guess that was where I was going to come in. As we neared the house of Revello Drive the watcher was on the walkway on the way to the front door. As soon as Dawn spotted him she ran over; dropping the things she'd been carrying at the front door and pulled the man in for bear hug. Rupert was clearly caught off guard, he looked worn out and extremely nervous. Buffy, on the other hand dropped her stuff completely. "Nice going kitten, you make quick work of dusting vamps but you can't even carry a few box's for like ten minutes" I said trying to get a rise out of her. She didn't even bat an eyelid, just stepped around it all and ran into the arms of her waiting watcher man. "Giles? It's really you! I heard you'd left, it's so good to see you." tears were flowing freely down her face at this point. I just picked up the things she'd dropped and lugged them past the embracing pair and into the house; leaving Buffy to her reunion. She'd never look at me that way, even if the relationship was purely platonic between Slayer and Watcher, need was clearly etched on her face. He guided her and loved her, kept her safe and focused. She'd never let me do that for her.

Me and Bit put my things away upstairs and she ran down to talk to Rupert about old England. I put a few things in order then headed down myself. As I was heading to the stairs I heard the conversation I'd been dreading. "Buffy you simply cannot be serious, do you realise the danger you're putting you and Dawn in? Spike is a killer; there is no way around it. Don't be so naive as to think Spike is harmless just because of his chip. I can't believe you asked him to move in. It's a ridiculous notion. The Slayer, living with The Slayer of Slayers." the old man tried to whisper, more for Dawn's benefit then mine, she was in the kitchen making tea. The watcher knew I'd probably be able to hear him. He had a point though. When said like that it sounded totally balmy. "Spike would never hurt Dawn, everyone was happy to let him stay here every night to look after Dawnie so why would it be any different now I'm in the house as well. It's not your decision to make anyway Giles. Dawn is happy with him here, Spike keeps her from getting lonely. I'm not always going to be able to be here for her, she needs someone she can count on." she answered, looking the watcher dead in the eyes, which always means she's serious and that she meant business. "If it were Dawns well-being you were concerned for I would of been happy to oblige, be here, move in if you had wanted me to. Instead you chose a vampire who has stalked and killed girls like you. Not to mention the rest of the population" he retorted.

"As opposed to you, who actually considered killing Dawnie, instead of finding another way." she said with a cold look in her eye which clearly meant it had not been forgotten. I was just leaning in the door way watching the exchange with curious eyes. I had wondered how Buffy would explain my living here to Rupert. Her emerald eyes glanced toward me to meet mine briefly before she carried on. "Plus I need his help. With Dawn, training and he listens to me Giles, he knows what I'm going through right now. I need someone who understand how it feels, and that's him. Whether you approve or not Giles, Spike is a member of this household now." Rupert looked anxious but resigned. When Buffy headed for the kitchen the old man walked over to me checking the direction on the kitchen. "I do thank-you for calling me and I understand why she needs your help and guidance right now but if you dare try to take advantage of this situation, you will know pain like never before. That girl in there has died twice for us all and she deserves your utmost respect, especially as she hasn't turned you in to a great big pile of dust floating in the wind!" He whispered to me angrily. Had to give it to the man, he really did care about her, as if her and Nibblet were his own. "Read ya loud and clear Ripper, nothing to worry about here. I trust Blondie told you a bit about what happened to her, she's trying to deal but she doesn't trust me enough to let it all out. Buffy needs you Rupert, you can help her in the way I can't. She puts a smile on her face for Dawn but she's not the same anymore. She's distant, harder, more closed off than ever. She needs help; she went and banished her friends from the house, told them not to come around here for a while. I'm taking the slayer and Bit to the Bronze, try get her to unwind a little. I've been watching her and when Buffy thinks no one is looking she just stops, her face goes blank and her eyes get that faraway look in them, like she's not really here, retreating into herself you know?" I whispered back to the watcher.

He could obviously hear the worry and concern in my voice, her friends had a habit of overlooking Buffy, they saw her but they didn't really see her. They took for granted that she was strong and never thought she could be scared and hurting. I saw it though, I was attuned to her movements and actions, and I saw Buffy when they only saw the slayer. "Call the Scoobies, tell them to be at the Bronze, maybe I can convince her to talk to them." The watcher look tired and scared, probably exactly how I looked. "I see your worry for her Spike and feel grateful that you are helping her, I do. I know you wouldn't hurt either of the girls; I'm just scared for her. I'm scared she's fragile and that she's not thinking clearly because of her traumatic experience. Not that I blame her of course, what Willow and the others did was so extremely dangerous for everyone involved, Willow let her feelings for Buffy cloud her judgement and she knew the consequences of what could happen to Buffy and her and choose to ignore them." The watcher had taken to cleaning his glasses halfway through talking and clearly didn't notice Buffy standing nearby. "I can hear you Giles, you're not so good at whispering you know, I could practically hear your glasses bending what with the pressure you're putting them on them right now I'm surprised they haven't snapped yet." She said in a mocking whisper and smile on her face. "I'm having a hard time re-adjusting that's all, I'll be fine in few weeks, and breaking out of my coffin seems to have taken a lot out of me mentally and definitely physically." She said with a sad smile lifting up her hands to show her hands then frowned at them as if only just noticing that her knuckles had started to bleed through her bandages, must of happened when she was fighting the beasties back in the graveyard. Why hadn't I noticed? Why didn't she notice either? You could see it was hurting her now, but she'd kept the pain from us and herself, even I hadn't noticed. She was suffering in silence, maybe Buffy was in more turmoil then she led on.


	8. Chapter 8

Summary, disclaimer and such things are on the first page. Enjoy! If you feel nice enough you could even review but hey, I'm just here for the shits and giggles. Having a little fun with possibly the **best** television show to ever grace our screens!

**Joss is master of the universe!**

_Btw. I'm British, so if I manage to slip in any words that sounds weird or you don't understand, then let me know and I'll make a key type thing at the beginning of the chapters to explain._

_Two updates in one day, well aren't you lucky!_

I just want to say a quick thank-you to the people who have taken the time to review the story so far, it means a hell of a lot (feels like I'm writing an Oscar speech or some shit lol). To FantasyAddict24 who asked me if I say bollocks and knickers, I don't say knickers but I do say bollocks. Sometimes I have a bad potty mouth, I admit it. Thanks again guys!

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After the watcher sat Buffy down to redress her bandages they stayed in the living room to chat about things. Me and Nibblet started on dinner, neither of us had much skill to bring to the mix but we were doing our best. We were working on trying to cook spaghetti bolognaise but most of the sauce had ended up over Bit's face when she tripped with the jar in her hand. "It's a bold fashion statement Dawnster, bit extreme but maybe it will catch on." I said trying not to laugh. "It's not funny Spike, we can't all have super coordination you know, this better come out of my hair before we go out." She replied trying to keep a straight face. I unravelled some kitchen roll and stepped towards her ready to give her a hand wiping it off but she snatched it out my hand and started it herself. "I'm obviously picking up the slack of clumsiness that you and Buffy don't have, it's so not fair. Maybe you should share in my misery." Before I could really take in her words she'd wiped her hand down her face and then planted it straight in the middle of my face, splattering the sauce all over it. First I was shocked, I stood there mouth and eyes wide. Bit was laughing her head off bending over at the waist and slapping her leg. Moving as quick as I could a grabbed a glass full of water and whispered in her ear "Seems like you need a hand getting cleaned up little one, let me lend a hand pet" before I poured the glass over her head. She jerked into an upright position and glared at me for all she was worth. Water was running off her chin and we stared at each other for a few second before both us burst into laughter. Nibblet and I always had a great relationship; we didn't take each other too seriously and got along like a house of fire. Of course that analogy didn't really work because the fire would kill me. The irony wasn't lost on me but that's what we were like, I loved the Bitty Buffy.

Eventually Rupert left just after saying to me he'd get the slayers friends to be at the club tonight and dinner was served shortly after his departure. Of course most of the sauce had ended up in Bit's hair so there was only a little left for the dinner itself. Buffy seemed impressed enough by the dinner though, obviously she hadn't seen the mess in kitchen yet. Sitting down at the Summers dining table was an odd experience, I was having a meal with the slayer and her kid sister, I couldn't really seem to wrap my brain around the whole thing. Who'd have thought it? The three of us talked about normal things, Dawn starting school in a few days, me and Buffy finding a place to train seeing as she didn't want to go to the Magic Box. We come up with the idea of bringing in a few mats and putting them in the basement. There was enough room down there to spar and fight without knocking into anything down there. After dinner was cleared away me and Dawn cleaned up the kitchen and after that we all went upstairs to get ready for Buffy first outing. I went into the bathroom and hopped into the shower thinking of all the ways tonight could go wrong. What if Buffy flipped when she saw her friends there waiting to ambush her? Would she turn on me? Chuck me out? Or maybe they'd make up and she'd thank me for it. The aforementioned was the most likely outcome of the night. The night wasn't just about the scoobies though, it was about the slayer reintegrating herself, getting back into her normal life. Patrolling could wait another night, she wasn't ready yet.

There was a lull in my thoughts as I finished getting any remaining sauce out of my hair when Buffy strolled into the bathroom like she owned the place, 'course she actually did. But that wasn't the point. "Oh. Oh god. Sorry, I didn't realise anyone was in here" she looked down immediately and was turning more and more beetroot red by second. "Don't act like you're not impressed Slayer" I said over the sound of the water. "Guess I didn't lock the door, my bad. I'm done now anyways pet." I said smirking whilst stepping out of the shower. "Get over yourself Spike, yes it is your bad but I should have knocked, not used to having someone else in the house I suppose." Buffy slowly looked up only to notice I was standing there in the buff. Her head whipped around pretty quickly after I caught her looking. "Oh god, you're still not wearing clothes. What are you doing? Cover yourself before Dawnie sees." She answered whispering angrily as she threw a towel at me without looking. "Thanks Blondie, wouldn't figure you for a prude though, not with your hot little body and all. I can hear the Dawnster going through your wardrobe as we speak so there's no danger there luv" I whispered in her ear as I passed her drying my hair with the towel she'd thrown me giving her the full view as I walked back to my bedroom.

The next time I saw Buffy we were both ready and waiting for Dawn, she gave me the most awkward look I had ever seen when I walked out the bedroom, I almost choked on my laughter, it was was just so priceless. She was wearing a long coat that stopped just at her knees to hide her outfit but knowing her it was something she could dance and slay beasties in although whatever she was wearing underneath it was obviously shorter than the coat. Her shampoo commercial hair was curled slightly and looked bloody fantastic. "Check you out Slayer, getting all dolled up for me, people would think we were on a date, bloody pretty picture you are luv." Her only response was to sneer at me as I made my way downstairs in front of her to fix a cup of blood before we left, a guy couldn't help but get hungry when women moved seductively to music with large amounts of skin on show. I sat down on the sofa to watch some telly while Buffy stood there awkwardly glancing at me thinking I couldn't see her. "You can sit down kitten, I won't bite. Unless of course you asked me too" I said with a hint of leering in my tone giving her a wink. She quickly turned and walked to the bottom of the stairs shouting to Dawn to hurry up but I heard her muttering under her breath as she started up the stairs. "Stupid pig vampire, I'll get him back." I had a little giggle to myself, always had been fun to wind the slayer up.

Finally she and Bit came down and we were ready to go. "Anyone for a quick drink before we go? Get a head start on the celebrations? I'm definitely having one, need to dull my senses a little, that place is bloody overpowering to a vamps nose what with all the sweating and lustiness in the air. How about you Nibblet, ask your sis if you can have a little. It saves you getting curios and trying to swipe some of mine later on in the night." Dawn looked excited and turned to Buffy with pleading puppy dog eyes. The slayer looked at me and I nodded at her, I think she was catching on with what I was trying to do. Dawn would try it, see that it tasted disgusting then leave the subject alone for the night. "Ok Dawnie, we'll all have one drink then we'll go." Dawn ran to Buffy hugging her tightly.  
"Thank-you, thank-you, thank-you. You're the best, you know that right!" she practically squealed.

I walked over to the kitchen and the two girls followed, I picked up the near empty bottle me and Buffy had been drinking before and poured the Summer's girls their drink, I on the other just kept my hand on the bottle. "Well then, to the first night of a new housing arrangement! Oh and of course to Buffy, for re-joining us in the land of the living. Again!" I declared. We all said cheers simultaneously and swallowed back out drinks. Buffy and Bitty Buffy pulled the exact same face and I couldn't help but smile. After that we set off for the Bronze, hopefully a little R&R would help the slayer out.


	9. Chapter 9

Summary, disclaimer and such things are on the first page. Enjoy! If you feel nice enough you could even review but hey, I'm just here for the shits and giggles. Having a little fun with possibly the **best** television show to ever grace our screens!

**Joss is master of the universe!**

_Btw. I'm British, so if I manage to slip in any words that sounds weird or you don't understand, then let me know and I'll make a key type thing at the beginning of the chapters to explain._

To Britgal, who asked about 'bard' it was just a simple spelling mistake of mine. Was meant to say barb. It's been corrected now, so I thank you :)

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Bit's face lit up as soon as we stepped into the Bronze, she clearly didn't know the place was pretty lousy for a club. I spotted Glinda at the bar and stood in the opposite direction so the Slayer wouldn't see her yet. "Well then, you ladies find us a table and sit your pretty selves down and I'll go get us some drinks to start with." They two girls both nodded and headed off into the crowd and went off to the bar. What could I get the Slayer, she'd probably like something fruity. "Yeah I'll have two of those Lemondrops, two of your strongest whiskeys and a coke mate." I called to the bartender over the noise before turning to Tara. "Hey Glinda, are the rest of your pals here yet?" I asked.

"No, not yet. It's just me. I wanted to see Buffy's aura before we try this, if it's as bad as it was I was going to call it off, wait until she was better. The quick glimpse I saw of her didn't seem too bad though, pain and anger are still the most prominent but they seem to have receded massively. That blackness is still there though." she said with an even voice. "Will told me what happened and I don't blame Buffy at all, she's right to be angry with us. I just hope things get better instead of worse tonight." I nodded at the white witch as I picked up the tray of drinks. "Me too Glinda. Listen pet, when the rest of 'em arrive tell them not to come over straight away. Give Buffy a chance to relax a little." Before I had even taken one step away from the witch Dawn was rushing up to me with panic in her eyes. "Spike, Buffy needs you. Right now. I think she's having a panic attack."

I put the drinks down and told Dawn to wait there for a moment as I pushed my way through the crowd following my nose to the Slayer. She was sitting on a chair, head between her knees rocking back and forth. Her breaths were coming quickly and people were starting to crowd around her. I slid to my knees in front of her and pulled her arms away from face, her pupils were massively dilated and she was mumbling. "I'm not there. I'm not there. I'm not there." That's all she was saying, over and over. But she was there, maybe not physically but in her mind she was. She was back in her coffin again. Why hadn't I thought Buffy would react badly to a dark and cramped room. How bloody stupid was I?

"You're right kitten, you're not there. Your here with me and Bit. Safe." but she wasn't listening, people around us were edging closer trying to get a look at what was going on. "Back off you bunch of wankers, can't you see the lady needs air!" I shouted at no one in particular, my eyes never leaving Buffy. She started scratching at her bandaged hands, clearly remembering having to punch through her coffin. I took hold of her hands gently in mine and whispered quietly in her ear, which had seemed too help last time. "Buffy listen to me sweetheart. You're stronger than this. Remember when you followed my voice last time pet? I want you to do that again. You're safe here with me, there's nothing to worry about. I won't let anything happen to you, you're not there anymore. Come back little Goldilocks, come back." Ever so slowly she raised her head to look at me. She looked so frightened. "I'm not there." she said.

It wasn't a question, more like a statement but I answered her anyway. "No Buffy you're not, you're here, with me" I whispered tucking some of her hair behind her ear. I stood up slowly from the ground bringing her hand with me and pulling her up gently. She came without complaint and I brought her to an empty table to sit down at, her heart rate still going through the roof, it would have been a beckon to any vampire nearby. By then the observers has dispersed thank god, stupid gits. "Thank-you. Again." Buffy said giving me a sad smile.

"No worries pet, I'm here whenever you need me to be." I looked down at our hands and noticed I was still holding hers. She followed my gaze and squeezed my hand gently before letting go. At that exact moment the Slayerettes came rushing up to our table. "Buff, are you ok? As soon as Dawn said what was happening we rushed over, even though she said not too. What happened?" the boy wonder asked. Buffy didn't look at any of them she just focused on Dawn walking towards her. "Oh just reliving that thing that happened to me like yesterday, you know that thing, when I clawed my way out of my own grave." she said before Dawn reached the table with the drinks that I had left behind. Her hand instinctively went to her knuckles and I placed my hand over hers to stop her from scratching at them.

No one said anything for moment. Glinda looked sad but Red just looked angry. I passed her one of the drinks I had bought for her with my free hand and she sucked it down pretty quickly while her friends looked on with anxious faces, glancing from our hands to the drinks. Buffy's hand went to Dawns hair and she started sliding her fingers through it, it seemed to be calming her slightly, I could hear her heartbeat starting to slow. "You're getting her drunk? That's your master plan to help her? I knew you'd take advantage! You don't really care about her; you just want to get in her good books. Giles said you were helping her, that he trusted you enough to let you stay with her!" the boy shouted.

I was out of my seat so quickly none of them saw me move, 'course I couldn't push him up against the wall like I wanted to because of the chip so getting in his face would have to do. He flinched back instinctively. "Number one, Harris. Buffy asked me to help her. Number two; I'm the only one who can help her. Three. The watcher has no say in anything that I do. Four. I'm doing a bloody better job helping her than you are right now, shouting your ugly bloody mouth off. Five. We're out celebrating not getting drunk. Six. None of you care about her anywhere near the amount I do, I seem to recall you all leaving her for dead just twenty-four hours ago. Then, here's my favourite at number seven. Who do you think told the watcher she'd be here tonight? Who told him to get you all here to try work things out? Well that would be yours truly." I stated, loud enough for all of them to hear. I slowly backed away and sat down again. "Spike, remember what I said I came here early for. It's happening, right now."

Tara was pulling on their hands trying to take them out of the Slayers line of sight but they were too busy looking back and forward between me and Tara with suspicious looks, then confusion when looking at Buffy's murderous expression. I was trying to pull the Slayer away from the table but with no avail. "Dawnie try to calm her down, quickly. She could do some real damage with the amount of rage she has going on right not." Dawn gave me a sceptical kind of scared look. "You know she'd never hurt you Bit, but I can't do this on my own" I said trying to pull a now rising Slayer back down to her chair.

Her eyes were so focused on Willow, tracking her through the crowd it was quite chilling. God help anyone who got on the Slayers bad side when she was in this much of a temper. "You did this to me, you remember that Willow. You see how I am now; this is because of what you have done. Don't you ever forgot it, because I certainly won't." she declared loudly. The gang started backing off immediately after Buffy's little statement, Tara didn't have to tell them to leave, they were finally getting the message. Whatever Nibblet was doing and saying though was starting to work, her breathing evened out and she sat back in her seat. We sat in silence and I listened again to the sound of her heart beginning its descent. "Will you get me a few more of these drinks please Spike, they're nice, kind of fruity like." Buffy said.

Just like that it had passed, like it never happened, she went back to playing with Dawns hair. "Sure luv. Could do with a few more myself actually, coming with, Dawnie?" Bit looked a little shaken by what had happened. She nodded quickly and followed me to the bar. Once I'd ordered the drinks I turn to Dawn and asked if she was ok. "Just wiggin' out is all. Buffy's never been like that you know, first with the panic attack and then with the sudden explosion of anger. She had a fear of water after she died the first time but nothing like this. Is she ok Spike?"

Dawn looked on the verge of tears. "She's had a hard time Bit, you know that. Buffy is just having a hard time settling back in to things, what with what happened to her and all. You'll just need to be a little patient with her. Plus I'm going to help her as much as I can, help her come back to herself and you." I replied touching her face gently. "You promise to help her with all your heart? I can't lose her Spike, not after mum." She said sadly.  
"I know Lil' Bit, and I swear, on all the non-existent beats in my dead heart that I'll try my hardest. That ok with you?" she nodded at me and I wiped away the only tear she had let escape. I grabbed the drinks and we headed back to the table where the once proud Slayer was sitting alone giving the place around her nervous glances.

Buffy had already finished the second of the first two drinks I had gotten her when we reached the table. She started on her third as soon as I laid the tray on the table. "I'm sorry if I scared you Dawnie, I just lost control a little when Xander shouted at Spike for not helping me." Buffy said before she kissed Dawn on the forehead. "Before you ask Spike, I'm not angry at you. You are right; I need to sort things out with them. My emotions are in a state of overdrive at the moment, I seem to go from one extreme to the other without really realising. I'm lucky you're here looking out for me." She said smiling at me. The tension dissolved immediately after that and we sat there enjoying our drinks and listening to the music for a bit.

The Slayerettes were still here and I walked over to them on the way back to the bar. I'd given the Slayer and Bit some proper time to talk and was hustling some money playing pool. They were keeping to the back out of Buffy's way, most sensible thing they had ever done. Glinda was the first to speak "How is she? Giles called to see how it was going and said he's coming down in case she needs him after Willow told him what happened." Tara look so concerned for Buffy but Harris and Red looked angry; Anya on the other had just looked bored. "She's alright now; she's dancing with Dawn I think. Stick around, she knows she has to sort things with you, no guarantees that it'll be tonight but you might as well start trying to make up for things now."

Rupert walked in a few seconds later looking concerned. "Where is she? Shall I go talk to her?" he said when he had stepped close enough for us to hear him. "Might as well, couldn't go any worse than what happened when these lot came over." Watcher didn't even look at the red witch. Guess she wasn't in the doghouse just with Buffy then. We only made it a few steps when we both stopped dead, with Buffy coming into view. Her coat had disappeared and she was wearing the tightest figure hugging little black dress I'd ever seen. Her body was swaying seductively to the music and a group of men were around her watching with theirs jaws practically dragging on the floor. Buffy gestured for some of the guys to come closer, they held her tight against themselves, clearly enjoying having Buffy rub herself against them. She had her eyes closed as the men grabbed at her guiding her where they wanted her to move.


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh dear lord, I need a drink. Right now" the watcher said and turned around for the bar. I on the other hand marched straight over to where the near on pornographic dance was going on stood dead in front of one of the men clinging to Buffy's dress, pulling it up slowly to reveal more and more of her tanned legs. "You step away and you step away now. Do you hear me?" I growled, letting all my anger out at seeing her act like this. "Back off man, you can have your turn after you hear" the man said patting his hand on my shoulder and winking at me. He was insinuating that Buffy would be putting out to these losers. The only reason I didn't swing out at him there and then was the stupid bloody chip.

"If you want to keep that arm mate, I'd seriously think about never touching me again and getting the hell out of here. Step away from the girl, she's with me." I answered back. "Buffy were going." I stated. The girl in question didn't even open her eyes, she was still dancing but now it was by herself. The boys that had surrounded her were now surrounding me. "Doesn't seem like she wants to be here with you does it? Sharing's caring though bro, we won't hurt her will we guys?" The guy said looking at what must have been his friends that were now closing in on me.

Usually I'd be all for a good brawl but seeing as I couldn't defend myself I didn't need things to get that far. "Oh I'm not worried about you hurting _her_, she could beat you all to a bloody pulp at the same time with one arm tied behind her back and a blindfold on." I retorted. Ok so as far as trying to defuse the situation was going, I admit that probably wasn't the best thing to say. What can I say, I lived for the danger. The men in the circle turned to look at Buffy dancing. "Yeah she seems real strong buddy. If she wants to take us all on then let her, would be nice to see her tight little body working up a sweat I reckon." One of the other guys said from behind me.

My blood was boiling; I don't think I'd ever been so furious. "Not one of you guys here could handle a girl like her; she's one of a kind. She'd rip your pride to shreds in under an hour; have you weeping on your knees and running back to mummy dearest crying about the mean lady." I spat at them, sneering at the obvious leader. Being around for as long as I have, I saw the first punch coming a million miles away and grabbed the guys fist before it was anywhere near my face. As long I didn't hurt them I was ok block their advances and punches. "Tut tut, I said you'd lose that arm if you weren't careful." That's when all hell seemed to break loose on the dance floor.

The buggers all came at me at once. I was using my coordination and speed to dodge the blows and send them into the path of an oncoming attack. That managed to knock out of two of them but left three circling me slowly, clearly they'd realised they'd underestimated me. The three that were left were all taller than me which would have terrified any human and sent them running; good thing I healed quickly then 'cause I was in no way going to run. People had started to back away from us but out of the corner of my eye I saw Buffy just standing there, slack faced and eyes blank. Unfortunately, dodging didn't do me anymore favours when they rushed me at once and soon enough I went down, my ribs taking a pretty bad beating as well as my face. Then all of a sudden it stopped.

Buffy had snapped out of whatever was happening to her and was wrestling with the guys she'd been with dancing with. Her strength wasn't what it usually was but for once that was a good thing because the Slayer was kicking their arses enough as it was. "You don't touch him, not now, not ever! I need him!" she was shouting. Dawn and Tara pushed their way through the spectators and ran to Buffy's side trying to grab her arms and pull her back. I don't even think she noticed until she kicked the last of the men which in turn knocked Bit and Tara to the ground. Tara landed badly on her hand and cried in pain.

Everything stopped. Buffy had frozen in her place, chest heaving. Red ran out from the crowd first, her palm was raised facing toward the Slayer. Rupert and Harris ran out to help the girls up from the floor while the ex-demon came to help me stand. "Will, let me go. I'm fine. I'm calm." Buffy said in a strained voice. It seemed like the Slayer was under some sort of binding spell. The witch looked quickly at her lover and Glinda nodded. Buffy fell on too all fours, taking huge breaths. Slowly she got to her feet and took a step toward Tara. "Don't come any closer Buffy, I don't want to hurt you." Red said, stepping in front of our small group

The Slayer gave a cruel laugh without humour."A little too late for that don't you think? You see what I've become, what's happening to me. You see that I'm different." She shouted. Even the music had stopped at this point. "I'm wrong Will, and guess who's to blame here. You." Buffy shouted, but the last word was whispered. The word held so much malice that it was scary. The red witch visually flinched. "Buffy you could have killed someone tonight. You've hurt Dawn and possibly broken Tara's wrist." The Watcher pronounced calmly, stepping around the witch and walking to stand between the Slayer and us. Buffy stared at him, as if just noticing he was there. Her eyes fluttered rapidly and I was pretty sure tears were now falling from them. "Dawnie?" she whispered.

Bit stepped forward and Glinda went to follow but the other witch put her hand on Tara's arm. Just as Red was about to say something the white witch spoke first. "It's ok sweetie, she needs to see we're alright." They walked to the Watcher's side and I saw Buffy's eyes go huge when she saw Tara cradling her wrist and Dawnies small scuffs on her knees from where she'd hit the floor. "Oh, oh no. I didn't mean.. I didn't see!" she whispered so quietly that I think I was the only one to hear. She took a step back from them and stared off into the distance wrapping her arms over her head rocking slightly on her feet. We all took a hesitant step towards her seeing her distressed she was. "Come on Buff, we know you didn't mean it. You need help, that's all. That's what us Scoobies are best at remember." Harris said laying an arm on her shoulder. "Don't touch me!" she cried while sinking to the ground. Everyone recoiled when she shouted it took us so off guard.

We were losing her, I could see it. Keeping Dawn safe was the most important thing in the world to Buffy, but realising that she'd hurt Dawn herself must have really done something to her already fragile state of mind. Bit took a slow step to her sister's side and sank to the ground beside her. "Dawn come back, give her some space." Anya said, speaking up for the first time. "She might be dangerous." She said so brutally blunt.

Dawn whipped her head around to glare at the ex-demon "Buffy would never hurt me. She needs me." She exclaimed with tears silently streaming down her face. I went and stood behind Dawn, wincing at the pain that resonating throughout my body and positioned my hand on her shoulder in case she needed me. Buffy was muttering quietly while still rocking. "Never never never hurt her. Not ever." She was saying. "Got to protect her, always" Buffy continued. Dawn only cried harder. "Buffy listen to me, I'm alright see. I'm not hurt." The slayer didn't even acknowledge her presence. "Buffy please" Dawn whimpered, but still there was no response.

Management had already started clearing people from the building by then, clearly scared more people were going to get hurt. Nobody had approached us and told us leave like people usually did when trouble started, looks like the people of Sunnyhell were actually smart, they knew they couldn't risk someone coming over to us and then Buffy reacting badly. The seven of us just watched in silence as Dawn tried to get through to her sister, but nothing seemed to be coming of it when all of a sudden Buffy shot up causing Dawn to yelp. "I uh, need to go, now. I'm sorry." Buffy told us, keeping her gaze on the floor. Without giving us the time to respond she took off running to the exit. The people still in the process of leaving all backed away from her giving her room to run right through the door and into the night. Looks like I was going to be out chasing a damaged Slayer again. I didn't hold it against her, she clearly needed my help more than ever.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Ten was my favourite to write so far, even though I haven't actually wrote a lot :)

I hope I showed the instability of Buffy clearly, how she's struggling and how she doesn't seem to know what she's doing some of the time.  
I'd love see what you think of the story so far, so if you could, please review.

I'm not sure how long the story will be at the moment. It won't be a mega mega long story, but I do have a while to go I think before I see the ending I want being able to take place. The romance and declarations of love aren't going to happen instantly. Buffy needs time.  
Oh and if anyone wants certain things from the series to take place then let me know and I'll try reconstruct it to fit here.

Thank-you to everyone who's reading this far, you guys are clearly awesome and I bow down at your feet!

**I'm sure you guys know already, but Joss is master of the universe!**

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Dawn was near on inconsolable right now. I pulled her to her feet and she wrapped her arms around me, holding on for dear life it seemed. I stroked her hair and whispered that I'd find Buffy and bring her home for Dawn. "She needs me Spike, but I don't know how to help her." Bit cried into my shoulder. I looked around at Buffy's friends, some of them were looking at the ground, and the others at the exit Buffy had run through.

"Well Buffy evidently needs our help right now. Willow, will you and Tara take Dawn home please, the rest of us should go and find Buffy and try bringing her back to the house." Giles said, moving into action and taking charge of the situation. The red witch just nodded, her eyes silently streaming as she stared at the ground. Instantly Dawns mood did a total bloody 180 as she pulled away from me. "Didn't you hear Buffy? This is _her_ fault." She shouted pointing at the witch. "I'm not going anywhere with her, she did this!"

After Dawn's outburst Xander said he and Anya would take Bit home and wait for us, it wouldn't have been great to have the stupid bint there waiting to ambush the Slayer as soon as she walked through the door anyway. Surprisingly Tara said she'd rather help us find Buffy, see how she was doing and tell her she was ok. Her hand only seemed sprained so Willow said she'd take her to the hospital after we'd found Buffy.

"There's no need to split up to find her Watcher, I'm pretty sure I know where she's gonna go." I told him then explained about Joyce's grave after Dawn had left. "Well someone needs to take over patrol so I'll do a quick sweep and meet you there I suppose. You'll keep Tara safe?" he asked.  
"We'll be safe as houses Ripper. Wouldn't let anything happen to the only Scoobie I haven't wanted to eat for some reason or another now would I" I answered winking at the white witch.

"She cares for you." Tara said, out of the blue as soon at Rupert was out of earshot. The statement threw me a little, how was I supposed to respond to that. "Did the way she practically roared her possession of me to those blokes put that idea in your bonce Glinda. The slayer doesn't care for the likes of me. I'm just the help." I said whilst trying to figure out which bones had been broken in the fight. It felt like a rib, nose definitely and maybe my collarbone. "I see it Spike." She said turning to look at me instead of the ground "You're off your rocker sweetheart, you sure you didn't hit your head back at the Bronze?" I asked her.

I couldn't met her eyes, I was too afraid she's see the hope in them that Buffy actually liked being around me. "Her aura changes when you're near. Usually there's so much black and dark red for her pain and anger but when you're close to her the black fades to grey. People change colours depending on their opinions on people and the colours I see have different shades which all signify different types of emotions and I can get a vibe of how they feel for that person. Like with Dawn, Buffy sparkles with brightest pink and orange. The bright pink shows me her love for Dawn is infinite and the orange shows me her thoughtfulness, self-control plus her ambition to be the best for Dawnie. But with you the colours all swirl together: orange, because she knows she doesn't need self-control with you. Red, because she sees your energy and strength and it gives her her own in return, also you give her courage. Yellow, because you make her feel optimistic. There's a little bit of blue in her aura too, usually changing between confusion and intrigue. But the most important ones I see are the small flickers of green and pink. The pink shows me she feels companionship and gratitude towards you but the green tones that fly up when you're around signal peace and healing. Buffy feels safe with you Spike; she knows you'll protect her when she can't protect herself."

We walked in silence for a few minutes. "Bloody hell Glinda, you see all that in everyone? Sounds like a pain in the arse to me luv." I answered finally.  
"I don't usually see it that intense but I was trying to focus on Buffy tonight, I kind of blocked out everyone else and focused on her. That's why I could pick out specifics tonight. You should have seen her when she realised you were being hurt Spike. Her aura flared the brightest of reds for her anger and fear. The orange showing her self-control snapped and she felt like her will had been taken, there was never a choice of whether or not to help you."

"Well that's a bloody lot to take in luv. Who'd have thought it ay pet? William the Bloody living with Buffy and the Bitty Buffy, not to mention the fact that I'm also the Slayers personal life coach. Then to top it all off I found out Blondie actually likes having me around. Surely there's an apocalypse on its way to ruin everything." After that conversation we walked the rest of the way in silence, I think the witch was giving me time to process what she'd said. I mean, Buffy Summers, Miss Higher Than Thou herself liked having me near and felt safe with me.

Buffy was there of course, just like I knew she would be. Curled up against Joyce's tombstone with another of those blank looks on her face. She hadn't picked up her coat before bolting from the club so she sat there shivering in the dark. "I don't want her to feel like we're ambushing her, do you mind if I go first? Just for a few minutes." Tara whispered as we came to a stop under the same tree I had stood under when Buffy had first come here. "Knock yourself out pet. She's probably annoyed she had to step in and save my pasty arse anyway." I say trying to look indifferent.

Tara approaches slowly and cautiously. I'm just out of earshot and can't hear what she's saying to Buffy but she seems to be getting through to her and talking. The slayer slowly gets up on unsteady feet and Tara supports her weight until she stops shaking. They're still talking when suddenly Buffy's head whips my way and she stares at me in shock.

She comes to stand in front on me, barely a few inches between us then places her hands on either side of my face checking each of the injuries on my face. "You're hurt" she says in a soft voice. "Because of me and what I did. I'm sorry I caused this Spike, I guess I wasn't ready to celebrate after all." She says giving me a small smile. It was an exhausted smile, tonight had taken a lot out of her, I could see from the way she carried herself that she was running on pure fumes right now. "Can you take me home please Spike?" she asked so politely.  
"Of course fair maiden, anything for the lady of the house. Let us retire to the Summers estate." I tell her in a proper nancy boy accent. Buffy laughs but she still seems a little out of it. Her eyes aren't as lucid as I'd like them to be but I seem to have a knack for looking after women who couldn't quite look after themselves so I don't comment on it, it would only make her more upset. She just stands there staring into the distance.

Giles turned up at that moment telling us how quiet Sunnydale seemed to be in terms of beasties to slay. "Well Watcher, you should get Red and take Glinda here to the hospital to check out that wrist." I said nodding to his car I could see in the distance. Lazy bugger must have driven to each graveyard. "Yes certainly. I can take you both home as well. Buffy what do say?" Buffy turns and walks over to her Watcher and hugs him gently. "No thank-you Giles, the cold air is helping me think more clear so I'd like to walk back if that's ok with you?" she asks holding on to his hand. "That is if Spike doesn't mind walking with me." She says turning back to me.  
"'Course I don't mind kitten" I can see Rupert studying her, seeing she's not quite back to being in a normal state just yet. Her emotions really do seem to be overdrive 'cause she seems like she doesn't know what she's doing, she still has the blankness on her face. Like she's just on autopilot.

As Rupert and Buffy said good-bye and arranged for him to come over tomorrow I turned to Tara and was surprised to see her smiling at me. "What's got you looking so chipper then Glinda? Maybe that my devilish good looks have you thinking you're batting for the wrong team?" I ask her. She laughs quietly, trying not to draw attention from the others. "I was right, she cares about you. Notice how she rushed over when I mentioned you got hurt, she's worried for you. Even though Buffy knows she's in a worse condition." The witch gave me her own wink and walked off with the Watcher to the car.

I quickly shrugged out of my duster and helped Buffy into it. It drowned her of course but she did look adorable. "Let's go home Slayer" I said holding out my arm waiting for her take it. The old Buffy would have pushed me to the ground and strode off on her own, but this Buffy, she quickly placed her arm in mine and tucked her head on my shoulder as we walked under the stars. "Home" she whispered in a sort of delirious tone.


	12. Chapter 12

**Joss is master of the universe! **that is all!

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We were over half way home when one of us finally spoke. Thankfully her eyes were clear and she was back with me properly. "Buffy can I ask you something?" I asked as we carried on down the pavement toward Revello Drive. "Of course, I owe you a lot more than just the answers to some questions" She didn't owe me anything, she needed my help. I wasn't asking for anything in return.

"Why dance with those men? And since when have you dressed that way pet? That wasn't you tonight." She looked at me strangely, like that was the last question I would ask her. "Well I'm different now, aren't I. Best to embrace those changes, and I was going to start with tonight." she replied. Was that the only answer I was going to get?

"What's it to you anyway?" She asked. "Just jealous I suppose that it's not you I was dancing with. You only had to ask Spikey. I'd have given you my whole attention." She said in a low voice and winking. I just scowled at her; this wasn't the way I had wanted the conversation to go. "I need to repay you somehow." This wasn't Buffy; this was the newly resurrected slayer 2.0 package.

"I'm sorry you got hurt, but if you hadn't of interfered I could have had a good time, get my mind off things. I'm sure those guys would have kept me entertained for a while." Her statements were making me angrier and angrier by the second. "The Buffy I knew wouldn't be giving it up so freely. She chose wankers to share her bed but she'd never do it like this. You're not the type for one night stands Buffy we both know that." I said holding on to her arm.

She swung herself in front of me quicker than I could guess. "Well your Buffy died Spike remember!" she stopped and shouted. "She jumped from the top of a tower built by crazy people. I'm not her Spike. I'm not. She was weak and guided by her friends opinion of her. She chose the wrong men from the beginning. They left her, all of them. So clearly I'm doing something wrong." She retorted. I was having a hard time keeping up with all her mood swings. I know I was here to help her but this kind of mood was the worst so far.

"Oh so you've had bad relationships, who hasn't you stupid bint! It doesn't mean you have to go and flaunt your body in tight revealing clothes and enticing blokes to watch you and want you. Can you say Slutty the Vampire Slayer?"

"You can't stop me from living my life Spike, you may live in my home now but you do not get to pass judgement on me. Those guys would have helped me!"  
"Are listening to yourself Slayer? In what possible way could a bunch of sweating blokes help you?"

"They'd give me a break Spike. When everyone is around I have to keep moving, but what I really want to do is just stop. They'd have taken control, all I would have to do is lay there." She said walking off without me. "I've seen it when you stop Buffy and I can't let you do that. You'll stop and realise you don't want to come back but you can't do that to Dawn, she needs you right now!" I say grabbing her arm again to make her face me.

"Dawn doesn't need me anymore, you see how I hurt her tonight, I'm not safe for her to be around. She has you; I know you'll look after her." Buffy said in an indifferent tone. I was furious with her, how could she not see that Dawn needed her? "Don't you dare think about leaving her Buffy. She doesn't deserve that kind of pain and you know it!"

"Oh and I do, do I Spike? Is it fair that I have no control over my emotions and actions right now, that I willing put people I love in danger just by being near them now. I can't do this!" she cried at the end pushing away from me. "This isn't about fair anymore Buffy. You're back now and there's nothing you or anyone else can do about it. You deal and move on!" I replied angrily. No one knows how to make me angrier than this petite blonde Slayer.

"Are you serious?" Buffy charged up to me with a furious look on her face clearly trying to intimidate me. "You have no idea what I'm going through, I can't just move on!" Buffy bellowed at me. I was so angry that I lost my temper and shoved her away from me chip be damned; it clearly took her off guard because she went spinning to the ground and landed on her arse with a thump and an curse.

We both stared in shock. There Buffy was sitting on the ground looking up at me and there I was, in no pain what so ever. I had pushed her to the floor, on purpose, and she had clearly hurt herself but the chip hadn't fired and fried my brain at all. "What is this?" she exclaimed. I offered her my hand to help her up even though I was in a bit of a dazed state but she ignored it.

"Why didn't your chip fire?"  
"Don't know pet. It worked a few days ago; I couldn't even help Bit get a splinter out of her finger." I say confused, what could happen in the last few days that could make the chip stop working. I was staring into Buffy's face and I'm pretty sure we both came to the same conclusion at the exact same time. "It's you pet." I said quietly, letting it sink in. "You said so yourself that you felt different." Buffy nodded sadly but said nothing and we walked in silence the rest of the way home.

As we neared the front door the Slayer stopped and turned to me. "I just want to try something, will you pull my hair or something, just to check it wasn't a one off." I oblige her and we both just stand there staring at each other when nothing happens. "No one is too know ok?" she said quietly. "Who's here anyway?" Buffy asked walking to the door. "Harris and his bird then Bit, that's all. You ok to go in there?" she nodded quickly and opened to door waiting for me to come in before she shut the door behind me.

"Hey Buff, how you feeling?" Harris asked standing when Buffy entered the living room with me behind her. "All tapped out actually. I'm sorry about earlier Xand, I can't seem to control anything right now. I don't hate you, I'm mad is all. I know Will didn't tell you about what could happen to me and I don't blame you or Anya." Buffy said slipping onto the sofa.

"It's ok Buffy; none of us have any idea what you're going through. You just need some space from us, I get it. I'll try getting Will to see sense ok." Slowly Buffy walked towards him and they wrapped their arms around each other. "I haven't had a chance to say this yet but it's so good to see you Buff, I've missed you so much." He said in her ear. From across the room I could see the ex-demon looking at the pair in frustration. "Ok no more touchy feely with Xander, you looked like you needed some sexual action earlier so he's not going to give you orgasms just because you're back. They're for me only."

The pair backed away laughing but looking a little awkward. Harris gave an obvious eye roll but smiled at his bird. "Call when you're ready Buffster and I'll come a running you hear." He said taking Anya's hand and heading to the door.  
"Thank-you for understanding Xander. Hopefully it won't be long before I'm calling you and Anya over for movie nights. Oh and thanks for bringing Dawn home. Where is she?" Buffy asked. The smile faded from Xander's face as he replied. "She went straight upstairs all upset, you should go up and talk her. Night Buff."

After the boy wonder and his girl left I went straight for the small collection of alcohol I kept here and hidden from Dawn while Buffy went upstairs to talk some things over Dawn. I poured myself a hefty drink and knocked it back in one then poured myself another which was helping the pain in my ribs and nose to subside.

A little while later the Slayer came down the stairs back in her sushi pyjamas with her hair tied neatly at her nape. "Well you certainly look better kitten." I say to her bringing over a small drink for the lady and sitting down beside her on the couch. "And you certainly look worse. Did I really look that awful tonight?" Buffy asked timidly. "'Corse not luv, you looked bloody fantastic if you asked me. I'd have you in that dress everyday if I could." I purr into her ear.

I know the earlier tension is gone when she bats my hand away calling me a pig. But I see her smiling out of the corner of my eye. "Listen Spike, I'm sorry I said those things earlier, I didn't mean most of them. I'm really sorry you got hurt trying to defend my honour, you were right, that's not me." Buffy says seriously looking up at me but laughing at the honour part. "The mighty Slayer admitting that I was right, I never thought I would see the day." I say nudging her with my elbow. She gives a small laugh and turns to watch the telly.

We sit there in silence for a while, I know she has more to say but I don't push her. Eventually Buffy speaks up. "Spike I need help, I have all these thoughts and feelings that I shouldn't have. It's so hard to be here!" she says desperately without looking at me, just keeping her eyes on the old movie playing. "I don't understand what's happening to me and it's scaring me." Buffy continues as tears start to slide down her cheeks. "What's wrong with me Spike?" she says, eyes streaming and finally facing me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Joss is master of the universe. **

Thank-you for reading!

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It breaks my heart to watch Buffy hurting like this, knowing that she's here, but that she's so lost. I slide a little closer to her and put my hands on each side of her face, just like she did with me earlier in the night. "There is nothing wrong with you Buffy do you hear me?" I say seriously, looking straight into her beautiful but tearful emerald eyes. The Slayer shakes her head and tries to pull from my grip but I hold on. "Buffy look at me sweetheart, you are not _wrong_, you're just different now." "But I shouldn't _be_ different Spike, I shouldn't even be here." Buffy cries, sobbing uncontrollably.

I know she needs this, it had to of been building up inside her and I knew eventually she would have to let it all out. So I pull a broken Slayer in to my lap and just listen. "I was ready and I went willingly, that's not a choice Slayers get to make but I did, but now it was all for nothing." Buffy cries. I know it feels a little uncomfortable for Buffy it being me to witness the Slayer at her weakest because she slightly turns from me and also tries to hide her face even though her fists scrunch themselves tight in my shirt as if she's trying to keep herself here, even if it is with me.

"I can't be the person they want me to be, who _you_ want me to be anymore Spike, you are all asking the impossible." Buffy exclaims meeting my eyes. I bring up my hand slowly to her face and wipe away the tears that are still falling. "I'm sorry I was asking so much of you Buffy." I whisper. "What you want is more important to me than anything else, from now on I'll back off, let you become your own new person." Buffy only nods in response.

"Slayers don't usually live past twenty, my friends don't understand what it's like to think that every day could be my last, but you do. Remember what you said to me outside The Bronze that night, how death was my art and how death was on my heels and that it would soon catch me?" I nod silently and let her continue. "You were right about that, but I never wanted it, I was never desperate for it. Now, I don't think I could say the same thing." She says, sighing greatly after.

"I heard where everyone thought I was Spike. A hell dimension." This upsets me greatly, how could anybody ever say Buffy would end up in a place like that. "How could the greatest white hat the world has never seen be sent to reside in Hell? It's the most ridiculous bloody thing I've ever heard." I say, trying to lighten the mood, but her mood doesn't shift even an inch. "I was happy Spike. I don't know if it was Heaven, but that's what it felt like." Buffy whispers so quietly I only just catch it.

My jaw feels like it's not even attached to my skull anymore. "Buffy what are you saying?" I whimper, starting to move her off my lap to look at her properly. "Spike, don't move. It's ok, I'm dealing with it. That's why I've been taking this all so hard. I was at peace; I was in my own version of Heaven."

I do as she says, but I can't help feel like the biggest bloody idiot. Why would she not be in the place upstairs? No wonder she has it in for Red in an extreme way. Buffy stops the tears that are flowing for a moment as she gives me a serious look. "They can never know Spike, none of them." I didn't know what to say so I just sat there, shocked to the core. Buffy's friends had pulled her out of Heaven.

"I felt like the worst person in the world that night, knowing that I was leaving Dawnie alone in the world, because I was doing my duty but I had friends here to help her and guide her and I knew you would be there to protect her. But those friends willingly put Dawn in danger bringing me back." Buffy continues, all the while her body shakes with the new sobs escaping from her. I still sit there silently, reeling from her bombshell.

"Slayers don't get a choice Spike, you know that. I suppose I'm no exception to the average Slayer lifespan seeing as I died at sixteen, then again at twenty but still, I got to choose who and what I died for." I won't defend her friends and she knows it, maybe it's what she needs. That she's not the only one that thinks bringing her back could have been the worst thing the Scoobies ever do.

I do understand though. After the black hole that was my head and heart finally cleared a little after her death I had realised Buffy would have been happy with her ending. Saving the one person she cared about more than any other. I had always thought she deserved to go out in the most glorious of battles but I was wrong. I was happy for Buffy to have chosen her final battle.

"You deserve a life so much better than this sodding one Buffy." I murmur just loud enough for her to hear. Buffy turns and meets my eyes, giving me the most devastatingly sad smile I've ever seen. "You know what the worst thing is Spike, I don't even know if they brought me back for me or for the Slayer."

She didn't say anything after that, she just cried. Eventually Buffy leaned again my chest and relaxed a little. I comforted her best I could without talking; she just needed to let everything out without someone judging her. I traced patterns over her arm with one hand and with the other I twirled some of her hair in my fingers, even though I wasn't stressed or even angry I found playing with Buffy's hair oddly soothing. I love her hair, the bouncy shampoo commercial goldenness of it. It was perfect. Even more peculiar was the fact that I hadn't even noticed the Slayers breaths becoming more slowly and peaceful what with being all content myself. Eventually I dropped off to sleep myself with a curled up Buffy still snuggled in my lap. This is how I wanted every evening to end.

I have no idea how long we slept for but it was still dark outside when all of a sudden Buffy shot up from the sofa with a shout. My eyes snapped open immediately looking around for the threat but I only saw Buffy standing there shaking with her arms wrapped around her midsection. "I'm not there. I'm here with Spike and he'll help me. I just need to stay calm and wait for him." Buffy stated.

Clearly her subconscious told Buffy she was there but she was fighting it. I stepped in front of Buffy and immediately my attention was drawn to her eyes, they were so hugely dilated and her eyelids were flickering without actually blinking. Her heartbeat had picked up but not as much as it usually did when she went back to her coffin, she was learning to deal with it. I felt so touched that she put so much faith in me; it gave my heart a glimmer of hope to think Tara was right with what she had told me.

I placed my hand on her shoulders gently trying not to startle Buffy. Her eyes didn't find mine, she was looking over my shoulder and they had that faraway look in them again. "That's right Buffy, I'm here." I whisper. Her hands move to her sides and start to fidget, clenching and unclenching. Slowly I slid one of my hands down her arm and into her hand. She squeezes it tightly, not letting go. "Help me come back Spike." Buffy pleads.

"Anything for you kitten, you know that right?" I breathe in her ear. Buffy nods and squeezes my hand again. "I'll always find you Buffy, no matter where you are. I'll come for you." I say so closely to her ear that I brush against her skin. She nods, but instead of seeing it, I feel it. My face is still so close to hers. "Always." I say in my softest voice. I pull back slightly and have the pleasure of seeing her coming back to herself. Buffy's eyes return back to normal, she blinks and her gaze settles on me.

Neither of us says anything but with the hand I'm still holding I lead her upstairs to her bedroom and sit her on the bed. "You don't have to say thank-you Slayer, even if you didn't need my help I'd still be here every night with or without your consent trying to help you." I say when I see Buffy opening her mouth to say something. Instead of the normal witty retort I was expecting, Buffy stands and steps in front of me.

"You deserve so much more than a thank-you Spike. For looking after Dawnie when I couldn't. Calling Giles because you realised I needed help instead of happy reunions. You bring me back every time I'm gone. You save me from myself. You keep me grounded Spike, you keep me here with Dawn even when I feel like I can't go on." Buffy states and I just sit there mesmerized by her beauty. At her worst she still looks like a golden warrior goddess.

Ever so slowly Buffy leans forward and I freeze as she places her lips to mine. The kiss is so tender and light, it shows me that Buffy is still so incredibly fragile but that she trusts me to take care of her. It's even more gentler than the small kiss we shared after the hell bitch had kidnapped me.

After a small but glorious moment, Buffy pulls away the tiniest bit so that our lips are just touching and I can feel her breaths across my skin. Her eyes are still closed as she whispers "Thank-you Spike, I'll never forgot what you've done for this family."


	14. Chapter 14

Ah the first kiss! Very small and dainty, but powerful none the less.  
How was it? Was it bad? You can tell me if it was bad, you probably think it was horrific. Oh God -_-  
I'd like to know if you think it was the right time or the right kind of kiss.

Of course you know that **Joss Whedon is master of the universe! **Otherwise you probably wouldn't be reading this :)

_Again, I bow down at your feet for reading/reviewing/following and favoriting. You guys ROCK!_

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When I came to my senses I realized I had just been standing in the hallway for about ten minutes. The Slayer had shuffled me out of her room and closed the door after the kiss. I hadn't wanted to move, I was too busy replaying what had just happened over and over in my head with a goofy smile on my face. I could remember Buffy talking to me, of what she said though, I have no idea. I think maybe I heard a 'why are you lurking with a creepy grin' and a 'night Spike' but I couldn't be sure.

I walked downstairs like a zombie still with the goofy grin on my face until I got to the kitchen and poured myself what I thought of as a victory drink. I felt on top of the world, elated! Things could finally be changing between the Slayer and I. "Don't get ahead of yourself there mate. Might only have been a thank-you." I say to myself.

But it hadn't felt like that, it felt real. Like it meant something to her, surely she would have known it would mean something to me. The biggest kind of something to me. How was I supposed to act tomorrow? Did this mean we were friends now? That I wasn't just a houseguest? All these questions were running through my mind at a hundred miles an hour. The day couldn't have been any stranger.

What with Buffy's strange breaks when she thought no one was looking, and then moving into the Slayer's home. The Watcher then coming by and trusting me to look after the girls. Buffy getting angry at Harris for shouting at me and then her little bout on the dance floor.

Uncaring and slutty with those blokes and then flipping to furious and protective of me. Of course then she breaks down completely before running off. Then on to finding her out of it in the graveyard and then uncaring again as we walked back home. To top the evening off, she had dropped the Heaven bombshell on me and then kissed me.

That much drama didn't even happen when there was an apocalypse inbound. But I didn't care about any of it right now. I was in such a state of euphoria that I couldn't even feel my nose and ribs re knitting.

After my drink I pulled the duster on and headed out to stock up on blood. Maybe I could swing by the Magic Box to swipe some of the floor mats for Buffy to train on, seeing as she didn't want to go there anytime soon. So I set off to find the De Soto, didn't want to be dragging mats around in the dead of night, people would think I was off my rocker.

I fixed up all the stuff that I was able to bring back from the Magic Box in the basement. Buffy had weapons lying all over the place so I didn't need to worry about bringing some from the shop. I think it would be good for the Slayer to have somewhere to blow off some steam. After finishing in the basement I left Bit a note to come and wake me up when she did, then set off in pursuit of some sleep.

Sleep came surprisingly easy; it felt like only seconds when I felt something trying to roll me over. "Spike I know you're awake now, you just took a breath for no reason." Dawn whispered. With a moan I rolled to face her and was greeted with the sight of her holding a candle in one hand and an angry look on her face. "You sleep like the dead!" She barked.

"I've chucked this candle at your head like a hundred times and you didn't even move! I've been trying to wake you up for over half an hour." I crack a smile and sit up, checking I'm wearing something decent. I usually slept naked but after Dawn had opened the bedroom door once and caught a glimpse of my bare arse I made sure to wear something.

"Funny that, what with actually being dead and all pet." Dawn smiles sarcastically and puts the candle back where she found it. I pat the bed and she comes and sits cross legged in front of me. "So why am I getting you up? And why are you smiling like that?" Dawn questioned.

I hadn't even realised I was smiling until Bit said it; I was just going over the night before in my head and was remembering it wasn't a dream that Buffy had kissed me. "Ah well, I have a surprise for your sis' and I want you to help make it better Nibblet." I whispered, winking at her.

Twenty minutes later Bit was heading up to wake the sleeping Slayer. I could hear Buffy's groans of protest from the kitchen and smiled to myself, guess she wasn't really a morning person. I hid against the wall as Dawn led Buffy into the dining room. I stepped up behind her and placed my hands over eyes. "Morning blondie" I pronounced and had the pleasure of seeing her jump.

"Me and Spike have a surprise for you Buffy. But you can't look so we're going to lead you." Dawn declared, taking her sisters hand. "It's too early for surprises." Buffy grumbles but follows none the less. We led her through to the kitchen and to the top of the stairs of the basement. "I need to carry you for a second pet, but I need you to keep your eyes closed. Can you do that?" I ask.  
"Of course." is Buffy's reply. I take my hands away and Buffy squeezes her eyes shut.

"Now do you trust me not to let you fall?" I inquire.  
"With my life." Buffy responds. All these compliments are going to go to my head if she carries on. I slowly sweep my arms under her and lift her in to my arms as we make our decent into the basement.

I set Buffy on her feet and Dawn and I stand either side of her. "You can open your eyes now kitten." I declare. She hesitates for a second but then slowly opens them. Buffy stands there with her eyes and mouth wide. That's gratitude enough for me. "Did you both do all this?" she asks timidly. "Well Spike did the training stuff and I did breakfast." Dawn replies leading Buffy to the meal we've set out on the floor.

"This is amazing, thank-you both. It's exactly what I need. Oh thank god you made coffee!" Buffy says smiling hugely. We all sit on the mats and dig in to all types of food and drink. There's pancakes, toast, cereal and even bacon, egg and sausages. We're all spoilt for choice. "Let's toast. My first official day of living with the Summers women and to an interesting first night out." I say bringing my cup of blood up and the girls follow suit with their drinks.

After breakfast is cleared up Dawn tells Buffy she's going out to get her new stuff for school with her friend and Buffy hugs Dawn good-bye repeatedly telling Dawn she's the best sister in the world. The Slayer and I head back down the steps and she walks around inspecting all the things I've set up. "Fancy a round or two then pet? No holds barred? We'll go until your insides quake and you beg me for release." I wink with my tongue between my teeth.

Buffy catches the double entendre of my words and chucks a nearby knife at me. Her aim is off and it goes wide, we stare at each other for a second before I chuckle. "Looks like you'll need me for more than just fighting luv." I say walking up behind her. She has another knife in her hand and I wrap my hand over hers, planting my feet on the outside of hers and wrapping my other arm around her midsection – still covered in her sushi pyjamas. She sucks in a breath and stands dead still, it makes me chuckle again; I'm so close to her ear it causes her hair to blow slightly.

"Move those tiny hips of yours when you throw Slayer, you showed me and a lot of others what they're capable of last night. Put them to good use." I say, squeezing her a little. She steps out of my hold and faces me with her hands on her hips. "Get a hold of yourself," Buffy smiles back. "I know you're just trying to get a rise out of me," she says swatting my shoulder. "I'm too happy right now for your vulgar words. I'll just go and change into something a little more practical." Buffy smiles, looking down at herself.

"Sure you don't need some help with changing, pet? A lot has changed since you were gone; we have these things called buttons and zips nowadays, very tricky things." I say to her retreating back. Buffy turns and I raise my eyebrows at her and wink. "Eww, as if." Buffy replies with a smile on her face as she heads up the stairs and I turn to take a good look at some of her weapons.

"Oh and Spike," she says, immediately chucking the knife she was still carrying. I don't even notice it until it's imbedded in a wooden beam just to the right of my ear. "This isn't going to be as easy as you think." Buffy says, carrying on up the rest of the stairs.

Bloody hell that was hot. I knew she was a little weaker but if that second shot was any inclination to how fast she would pick things up again then I wouldn't be winning for very long. I take my shirt off and hang it over the banister, leaving just my plain black t-shirt. Maybe I'd take it off in the middle of fighting, thus in turn making the Slayer go all awkward and bashful again. The girl looked positively delicious when her heart beat a little faster causing colour to rush to her cheeks. "Good enough to eat" I said to myself.

That thought actually sobered me up, because now I actually could eat her, if I wanted too. Not that I ever wanted to hurt Buffy of course but it was just a little hard to get my head around. Stupid wanker Scoobies, pulling her out of Heaven and making her _different _now.

A few minutes later Buffy walked back down the steps wearing a tight little vest top that stopped just above her navel which showed her athletic yet feminine form and a pair of baggy tracksuit bottoms that made her look even smaller then she was. She looked great though, Buffy looked sexy even in her sweats. I hadn't seen Buffy look so much like her old self since she'd been back.

"Well then Little One, I thought we could start by having you just coming at me at first. I'll be too fast so I won't hit back until you're quicker and ready to start defending blows. Then we'll move on to sparring. That sound ok luv?" Buffy nods, coming to stand about two metres in front of me from where I stand, in the middle of the room. "I hope you're ready for me Spike." She says, giving me a wink with her tongue between her teeth.


	15. Chapter 15

**Joss is master and Buffy rules!**

Thank-you for reading, hopefully you're enjoying it!

Let us continue shall we. .

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I falter, just for a second as we circle each other. I was caught off guard by her flirting. But it's enough and she rushes me, taking me down. Buffy then stands and looms over me with a huge grin on her face. "Well that was easy." she says.

Quick as lightning I swing my legs round and take her out. She falls hard and fast with a grunt. "No fair, you said you wouldn't hit back," Buffy groans from the floor beside me. "You cheated."

"Vampires don't play fair pet, you know that." I say, getting up from the floor and pulling the Slayer with me. She nods and we take up the same position again, facing each other in the middle of the basement. "Bring it on Blondie."

She rushes me again but I'm ready now and she goes down instantly. Buffy doesn't say anything, she just gets up and we go again. She keeps coming until finally after thirty minutes she's quick enough on her feet to evade my grabs and then we stop for a break.

Her body has a light sheen of perspiration covering her and my mouth can't help but water when I watch her throat move as she downs a bottle of water in one. "So kitten, you're able to hold your own when your opponents don't fight back but I think you should admit defeat now, you'll still be no match for me." I say seriously. I don't want to push her to far too quickly; not to mention her hands still haven't fully recovered from their ordeal.

She turns to me with a pleased look on her pretty face. "Getting cold feet are we?" Buffy says, then laughing at her own joke. "Haven't taken on a Slayer in a while, don't wanna get your butt kicked I bet."

"Seems like Miss Higher-Than-Thou is making an appearance here today, oh how I haven't missed her." I express with a sardonic voice and smile on my face. Buffy sneers at me with her hands on her hips. She pulls her beautiful hair into a tight bun and pulls off her tank top to reveal a sports bra.

She then struts over to stand directly in front of me and leans close to my ear. "You're in for a world of pain Blondie, Hell hath no fury like a women left in a coffin." Buffy whispers in a vindictive tone. It's kind of creepy actually, because I know that she means it.

"Fine Slayer, but don't start complaining to me from the flat of your back when your too spent from losing. I told you I'd make you beg for release." I whisper back. Buffy shoves me back and I know she's ready to fight. I was actually looking to forward to this, I had always loved the way she fought, how we danced. I knew when I first saw her fight that she'd be one of the best. She was a warrior who moved liked a dancer.

Neither of us gave any signal but we both went for it at the same time. Straight down to business with high kicks, jabs, right and left hooks and fake lunges; never taking our eyes away even for a second. Buffy is good considering everything, I won't deny her that, but she's still sloppy. Nowhere near the fighter I knew.

It doesn't take long for the first take down of the fight to happen. Buffy makes a grab for my throat but I'm too quick, knocking her arm way then wrapping my arm around her throat and bringing her down backwards.

"Don't say anything, just get up and we'll carry on." I say holding my hand out for her but instead of holding on to it she grabs my arm, pulls me towards her and uses her leg to flip me over.

"An enemy wouldn't try to give you a hand up but a good move none the less." I declare from the floor. I roll on the ground as Buffy pushes up from the ground but I grab her arm and twist her arm back so that she goes back down to her knees.

I place my lips to her neck quickly giving it a small nip. "You're dead." I whisper.  
"Good thing that I usually come back then isn't it." Buffy says baring her teeth from the pain. She spins around still in my hold so that she's facing me and drives her other hands palm up into my nose. I think it shatters but I barely even notice. I'm too immersed in our dance.

We go on for an hour or two, never talking or looking away. Me taking her down more in the first hour but after that her fighting starts to get quicker and our kill ratio evens out. We don't stop for breaks or drinks and the dance is glorious. She tells me not to hold back, that she can take it so I pull out all the stops. I can feel her anger pouring out of her from the last few days and it pushes her harder and faster.

Eventually we slow, I can see Buffy is exhausted but I know she'll never admit it and she'll go until she collapses. Her breathing is rapid and her body is covered in sweat, the total opposite of my non-breathing and room temperature body. "I'll make you a deal Slayer, next one to go down makes the other breakfast for a week?" I say raising my eyebrow at her.

"Sounds good to me, but why not make it better. The loser has to bring up the breakfast to the winners room as well." Buffy smiles sweetly. I nod and we go for the final round.

It's over surprisingly quickly actually. We trade a few blows but then Buffy manages to wrap her arm around my neck and she kicks my legs out from under me. I go down quickly but pull her down with me. I think she expects it because she has positioned herself so that when my back hits the ground she ends up straddling me with her hand pressed on my throat.

"I like my coffee black and my pancakes smothered in syrup ok," the Slayer states, breathing quickly, "you can ask Dawn about everything else. Do you accept defeat Spike?" she asks with a huge grin. "Well I think it's a win-win actually." I say winking at her. Her smile dissolves and is replaced with confusion. "How?" Buffy replies.

"Ah well you got to work out some of your anger and I got to watch your body move and then end up all hot and sticky on top of me. I can feel your muscles shaking against me Slayer, told you I'd make you quake." I lean up and whisper while tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Buffy doesn't say anything, knowing she can't deny what I've said. Before she can reply with a witty comeback I roll us over so that she's on her back and I hover over her. She had looked bloody fantastic during the whole fight, somewhere in the middle the Slayer had come out to play and we had challenged each other over and over.

She looked even better now. Her blood pumped quickly through her veins, making her skin a delicious colour. Buffy didn't say anything; she just tilted her head and looked up at me curiously. I leaned a little closer to her ear but she still made no move to push me off. "I've never seen you look so beautiful." I declare in my softest voice.

She turns her head away bashfully but I hold onto her chin and bring it back to look at me. My eyes move to her lips and I start to close the little distance between us, Buffy's eyes flicker and drift shut.

My body craves more of her, all of her. The small parts of skin on skin contact from where I'm lying on top of her aren't enough. Just before our lips touch though we hear the door open and close and both of our heads whip towards the sound.

From upstairs we hear Willows voice calling for Buffy as she walks through the house. Buffy groans loudly and wipes her hand down her face. I stand quickly and hold my hand out to her. She takes it and smiles before letting go to walk up to meet her _friend._

The kitchen is surprisingly bright compared to the dank and dark basement but we keep all the blinds and curtains closed pretty much all day now so I can get around without turning into a bit of debris on the kitchen floor.

The witch smiles as we emerge but then her look turns to shock as she takes in the Slayers appearance. I hadn't really noticed while we were fighting but both of us are covered in bruises from our vicious blows. "God Buffy what happened?" she asks.

Obviously Buffy hadn't noticed either because she gives a surprised look when she notices her own body but then just shrugs to herself. "We were just training, trying to get back in shape." Buffy replies in an uninterested voice.

"How did you get them though? Spike can't hurt you." Red asks, puzzled. I see panic flash over the Slayers face but I answer before the witch can notice it. "Her co-ordination and balance is off, she's real clumsy and kept falling." Buffy gives an audible sigh and finds my hand to give it a quick squeeze before Willow can notice.

"Oh right," she says and then pauses awkwardly, "Xander came by last night, told me to keep my distance but I don't want it to be like this Buffy, I don't want you to shut me out. You've forgiven Xander but not me." Willow continues, slamming her hands down on the counter on her last word.

Buffy doesn't seem to notice the out of character gesture. "I haven't forgiven Xander; I just said I don't blame him. He understands I need space. But I do blame you Willow, that's the difference here. You put Dawn in danger, you put everyone in danger." Buffy retorts angrily.

"No-one is in danger Buffy, look around! You're here now, can't you just be grateful?" The witch yells. Buffy somehow very impressively manages to keep her cool and answers in a sad voice. "Were Tara and Dawn just collateral damage then? As long as I was back minor injuries were acceptable. Were those guys last night not in danger?" Buffy sighs and then takes another breath.

"Why don't you look around Will, I can't guarantee your safety anymore, I could have seriously hurt Xander last night and it would have been on your hands, you and I both know you wouldn't be able to handle that type of guilt. I can't control what happens to me when I get like that."


	16. Chapter 16

**Joss rules!**

Thank-you for reading!

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Willow gave an incredulous look. "None of them were really hurt though were they? Plus those men deserved to get hurt. You're not dangerous Buffy." she said with an indifferent tone. Buffy looked on with disbelief clearly etched on her face.

"Are you listening to yourself? Those guys didn't deserve what I did to them, I'm lucky Spike even tried to step in otherwise I could have snapped at any point and _killed_ them Willow. You clearly thought I was a threat when you used magic on me though didn't you."

The witch just shrugged. "I was helping you." The Slayer barked out a short laugh. "I need help, but not from you. You're the cause of all this. The only reason I'm not flying over the counter at you right now is that I'm exhausted" Buffy said still keeping her voice calm and level. "I don't know why you're blaming me! You were dead Buffy, are you trying to say you would have rather stayed dead?"

Buffy let loose a huge sigh. I was just leaning against the fridge watching the witch. She seemed odd, like she wasn't quite herself. I'd never seen such animosity from Red. "If it meant that you were all still safe then yes, I would."

Willow's mouth hung open in shock. Luckily the situation was put to a halt by the appearance of Dawn coming through the front door with a laughing Tara. "I saw Tara in town and she walked back with me," Dawn said smiling, and then her smile disappeared when she noticed the tenseness of the two girls in the kitchen, "It is ok right? That Tara is here." Bit asked.

"Of course it is Dawn." Buffy replied smiling at the white witch.  
"I don't want to intrude Buffy, it seems like you're pretty busy." Tara said in her soft voice. The slayer seemed to remember then that she was standing there with not much clothes on, covered in sweat and bruises but again she just shrugged with a little smile.

"Actually Glinda, could I have a word quick please luv?" I said. Everyone turned and looked at me in confusion, probably because I had been so polite. I wanted to ask her about Red but I couldn't say that aloud. "Just want to give these two some privacy is all." I said nodding in the direction of Buffy and Willow, hoping none of the women could tell I was lying.

"Oh yeah, sure." Glinda replied leading the way back to the living room and sitting down. "Nibblet, why don't you go and put your new stuff up in your room?" I said quickly. I didn't really want to leave those girls alone for too long. "I'm not a kid anymore; I know they're fighting Spike." Bit said defiantly.

I didn't answer her back, I just stared and after a few seconds she sighed heavily and stomped up the stairs. I turned back to the witch to see a sad look on her face. "How was it? Before I got here? Buffy doesn't seem as angry toward Will, if anything Will was more angry."

"She was just a bit upset by what Buffy was saying I think; Red wants her to be all thankful and grateful. Maybe in time she will be, but not at the minute. How's the hand anyway Glinda?"

She gave me a surprised look. "How do you know I hurt me hand?" Did she really think I hadn't seen it? Even though I was huddled on the floor I had seen it all. "I don't even know how I did it." Tara says.

"I was there luv, remember? You know she didn't mean to hurt you." I declare. But Tara just looks even more confused than before. "Who didn't mean it Spike?" she asked. What was going on here? "When you tried to grab Buffy she kicked one of those bloody skanky blokes away from her and he careened into you, knocking you to the floor and landing on your hand so Red put Buffy in a binding spell."

"Spike don't be ridiculous, I'd remember if that happened. Will wouldn't use that kind of magic on Buffy anyway." Before I could reply to her statement the voices in the kitchen had risen to an alarming loudness. I shot off the couch and ran into the kitchen and stopped dead, the Slayer was on all fours and the witch was muttering words under her breath with her orange locks fanning about her face.

"She doesn't see!" Red bellowed. Buffy was now writhing on the floor crying in pain. "I'm making her see! I'm helping!" Willow continued. Tara had run in behind me and went to her lover's side as I went to Buffy. "No Red _you _don't see!" I yelled, "You stupid bint, you're hurting her! Not helping!"

I could hear Dawn running down the stairs but before she could hit the last step I yelled in her direction. "Bit don't you dare come in here, go upstairs now!" Thankfully she listened and headed back upstairs. I swept Buffy's hair from her face and tried to hold her to me to keep her still. Her eyes were squeezed tight and she held on to my hand with all her strength.

Buffy's heart rate was going through the roof; it was probably on the verge of giving out. Tara was pulling on her girlfriends hand and trying to snap her out of the trance she seemed to be in. Nothing was working so I stood quickly, leaving Buffy on the floor. "Glinda she's not stopping and Buffy isn't going to last much longer, I'm going to tackle her, make her lose her concentration. Are you ok with that?"

Tara nodded and stepped away crying silently. As soon as her hand left Willows arm everything turned a hundred times worse. Clearly Glinda's presence had soothed her lover a little. It all happened in just under a second. An invisible wind had picked up in the kitchen knocking things off their counters and rustling all our clothing. Red's eyes turned too black. Out of nowhere the glass in the window and back door suddenly exploded, showering us in glass and causing tiny cuts.

I braced myself for the pain that was going to come and ran at the witch. I lunged and wrapped both my arms around her waist, tugging her down. But as soon as I came into contact with her there were shocks emanating from her body shooting through to mine, not just the ones from the chip. I span in the air so that I'd take most of the fall but not too much so that Red wouldn't have a hard knock herself, jarring her from her spell.

The wind died instantly but I barely even notice it, so much pain had exploded around my brain at 'attacking' the witch head on. I tried rolling to my knees to cradle my head in my hands but only ended up letting out savage cry of pain and collapsing.

I'm not sure how long it took to properly get my bearings back but eventually I finally dragged myself up from the floor. Bit and the Watcher were leaning over an unconscious Buffy then Glinda and Harris was doing the same with an unconscious Red.

Glass crunched under my feet as I stepped around the patches of sunlight shining into the kitchen to slide down the wall next to the Slayer. "Is she ok?" I say, my voice cracking.  
"They're both alive." the Watcher replies.

"How long was I out for?" It must have been a while if the Boy Wonder and the Watcher had time to get here. "About half an hour, I got Dawn to call Giles and Xander as soon as I knew they were both still breathing. They've only been here five minutes." Glinda calls from behind the counter somewhere.

"Ok, I don't think we should move Buffy, she was in so much pain and I don't want to cause any more damage." Rupert nods but Bit lets out a small wail. I smell blood and it takes me a second to realise that it's mine, I pull my hand up to my nose and it comes away pretty bloody. I wipe it best I can but it's still streaming until Rupert hands me some tissues.

I hold my hand out to Nibblet and she crawls across the glass carefully and slides into my arms whimpering. "Shh Bit, it's ok." I whisper softly. I comfort her best as I can, stroking her hair and reassuring her that Buffy will be ok.

Rupert stands and surveys the scene before him, polishing his glasses as Harris starts sweeping the glass. I slowly slip Buffy's head unto my lap so I can watch for any movement and stroke her hair. "How you doing over there Glinda?" I ask, noticing she's done the same with Red.

"I'm ok. Just shaken." She says while stroking her girlfriend's hair, the exact mirror of what I'm doing. "Nice to hear one of us is without injury," I say winking, "I'm sorry to have to do this Glinda, but I want Red out of this house."

As if I had called her, the witch in questions eyes started to flicker. Abruptly Willow sat bolt upright startling Tara. As she stood up so did I. Harris gave her hand as she staggered and me and Tara exchanged looks. Her eyes were the normal colour so we nodded at each other, deeming that she was back to normal.

"What's going on, what happened here?" she asked, staring around at the kitchen clearly not seeing Buffy hidden behind the counter still out cold. No one spoke, clearly Glinda hadn't told them what had happened yet so I stepped forward.

"You did this. You started killing Buffy because she couldn't see how you _helped _her." I say in an eerily calm voice." Everyone's face transformed into shock and disbelief. "I didn't do this, I'd never do this or hurt Buffy." Red says desperately. I scoff at her and sweep my arm toward where Buffy lay.

Timidly the witch steps around the counter and freezes, her eyes filling with tears. Dawn moves to kneel in front of her sister blocking her from the witch's view. "I'm telling you I didn't do this!" she cries looking around at all our faces and stopping on Tara's. "Tell them I didn't sweetie, you were here. We can't trust Spike."

When Tara doesn't answer, just carries on looking at the Slayers unconscious form it speaks wonders. Harris and Dawn gasp loudly and step back from her. "You're wrong!" Willow screams, frightening Tara.

"Honey it's true, you must have lost control. I tried to ground you and you resisted it, lost in anger that you didn't understand." Glinda whispers, stuttering slightly. Willow doesn't say anything, just stares at her lover. "Thus begins the consequences of your little resurrecting escapade." I declare loudly.

Red swings around to face me with venom in her look. "What do you know about magic? Nothing! Obviously I stopped before anything got out of hand," she shouts, "You're just a harmless vampire trying to get in the Slayers good graces!"

"Listen here you bloody stupid bitch! I've been around six times longer than your measly self so I know more about magic then you ever will! You think you're so in control but you're not, I saved your life today! Your own power was about to overpower you. Buffy's heart was seconds away from giving out!" I yell, losing my temper.

Willow looks between Tara and I with a questioning look on her face. "Spike did an incredibly brave thing; he tackled you to the ground so you'd be distracted, taking a huge amount of damage from the chip in the process."

"Not to mention the shocks that you dished out to me when I touched you." I tack on the end. Out of everyone, Harris is the one who looks the most shocked. "You knew the chip would fire and still went ahead with it?" Rupert asks me, "She could have turned it on you."

"It was a thought, but Buffy would have died, again, if I hadn't of stepped in. She was completely defenceless, she wouldn't have been able to fight either, because we had just finished training and she was exhausted."

Before anyone else could weigh in on my selflessness Bit walks up to Willow, who was standing unnaturally still. "I guess I have to tell you again. You're a NOT welcome here. Get out of my house," she says calmly, "Now!" she screams when Willow starts to say something.

With a cold indifference the witch walks from the kitchen and out the front door. Immediately Tara collapses in tears and its Bit's turn to comfort someone. She leads Glinda to the living room while we decide whether to move Buffy. All three of us pick her up, trying to be as soft as we can and carry her up to her bed. She doesn't move an inch, not even a flicker or a twitch.

After she's safely tucked in we go down to start clearing up the kitchen, working in silent harmony. Dawn comes in to ask if I mind Tara staying the night but after that we all sit in the living room waiting for our Sleeping Beauty to wake up.


	17. Chapter 17

I'm just here for the shits and giggles but it would be lovely if you could review or follow or whatever :)  
Thanks again for reading.

**Joss rules!**

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Nothing major really happens in this chapter but I needed it so I could set up for the next one.

That is all..

Hours, we waited. We all spent different amounts of time in different places throughout the house. Knees were constantly bouncing, hands were always wringing and I don't even think the Watcher had put his glasses on; he just polished them over and over.

I'd sit in a chair by Buffy's bed sometimes but I never stayed long, my anger always seemed to get the better of me so I left. I redressed the bandages on her knuckles; they'd gotten a little bloody with our fighting.

Anya had called from the Magic Room saying Willow was there and we told her to keep an eye on her. I gave Rupert the low down on what had happened in the kitchen but I'm not even sure if he heard me, he was staring up the stairs; his mind obviously on Buffy and whether she'd be ok. The same thought was on all our minds I'd bet.

Harris had come in and out, checking in on work and then checking in on Buffy. He had already replaced the window in the kitchen, it looked like nothing had even happened in there. Tara had convinced Dawn to go to bed once it turned ten, after we all promised that we'd wake her as soon as Buffy woke up. Her and Dawn were going to share my room and I'd stay in Bit's so it was easier for everyone.

Things were so tense that I started playing cards with myself just to pass some more time. Eventually Rupert joined and then after that Harris did; Glinda was upstairs sitting with Buffy. After a few rounds of poker I went off in search of some alcohol to bring to the table. We shared the bottle between us and soon enough the bottle was empty.

Then finally, at around twelve, our Sleeping Beauty awoke from her slumber. Glinda had come down to say that Buffy had started to stir so we all rushed up the stairs, forming half a circle around the foot of her bed.

Her eyes opened ever so slowly, clearly trying to get her bearings. Finally her eyes landed on the four of us, and she gave us a small fragile smile. Every one of us let out a long sigh of relief. Buffy tried to sit herself up but she was clearly in pain, Tara was there first helping her. She sucked in a short breath when she moved, maybe there was quite a bit of pain.

"How are you felling Buffy?" Rupert asked. She slowly pushed away her covers and looked down at her body, turning her arms this way and that and inspecting her legs. "Like I've been run over by a truck, repeatedly. Oh and then pushed off a very high cliff," she whispered, rubbing her throat, "I thought I'd be able to see marks, but there isn't any except the ones that were already there from fighting with Spike, but they're fading already. Apart from that, I'm peachy."

Buffy held out her arm and Xander walked to grab it. He and Tara pulled gently so that Buffy was standing. "Thanks," Buffy croaked, "How long was I unconscious?"  
"About eight or nine hours pet." I answer. On wobbly legs she walks forward, Harris trailing her like a shadow in case she falls.

Is everyone ok? Did anyone else get hurt?" Buffy asks, coming to stand next to me.  
"Nope, just you luv. Seems like you're bad luck I'd say, not sure it's safe for even me to be here." She laughs softly for a moment before turning to Tara. "You couldn't possible help me get in the shower could you? I'm pretty sure I stink but I can't seem to be able stretch my arms in any direction."  
"Of course sweetie. Dawn and Spike said it's ok for me stay the night, is that alright? It's ok if you don't want me to." Glinda replies, dropping her eyes to the floor.

"You're welcome here anytime Tara." Buffy says smiling and taking Glinda's hand as they make their way to the bathroom, leaving us three guys standing awkwardly in Buffy's room. Harris calls his goodbyes to Buffy through the door and the Watcher goes back to his place to get some things, saying he'd like to stay the night to make sure Buffy is ok.

That leaves me to wake up the Nibblet. I step into her bedroom quietly and kneel next to her bed. "Rise and shine Lil' Bit." Dawn doesn't stir so I say it a little louder, but still she doesn't respond. After about ten minutes of trying to wake her Buffy creeps in, coming to sit on the bed next to Dawn.

"Don't worry about waking her, she'll be pissed at you but she won't be all moody teenager in the morning for not getting enough sleep," the Slayer whispers, tucking a lock of Dawns hair behind her ear, "Tara told me what you did today Spike, it looks like I'll be forever in your debt it seems."

"You don't owe me anything Slayer, that bint was assaulting you in our bloody home. Just doing my roommate duties, I gotta be bringing something to the mix now don't I, might as well fill the role of bodyguard seeing how much trouble you Summers women are always in." I say playfully as we leave Dawn's bedroom.

Buffy swats my shoulder but then winces. "It doesn't hurt much," she says, "you know that feeling when you've been working out hard but you don't feel it 'till the next morning when you feel tender and kind of bruised. That's what it's like." I nod as I hold her hand, keeping her steady as we go down the stairs.

Giles walks in with a few tubs of ice-cream and the Slayer hugs them to her chest, beaming, as if it's the best day of her life. She wobbles slowly to the couch as I go and fetch a couple of spoons. The two girls sit on the sofa, Rupert sits in one of the arms chairs and I sit myself down on the floor leaning against the sofa.

Buffy explain to us what had happened to make Red so angry, she says that Willow just didn't understand why Buffy wasn't grateful and she was apparently trying to press the point that without her Buffy would still be six feet under.

Then she told us what Willow had 'showed' her, and we all shuddered at once when she explained that Red had showed her where she thought Buffy had been whilst she was dead. Which meant the Slayer had endured what would have happened to her if she truly had gone to a hell dimension. When Rupert asked her if that was actually where Buffy had gone she just sort of shrugged and changed the subject.

It made me sick that the witch had done that, stupid cow. She complained about me not knowing anything. Has she even asked Buffy where she'd been? No she hadn't, daft bitch. "That witch is going sodding looney if you ask me." I declare once Buffy finishes explaining what happened to her. We all sit silently for a short spell but it doesn't last that long as Buffy digs into her ice cream while Tara puts a movie on.

The Slayer has two tubs open, alternating between the two as me and Glinda share one. Giles just keeps to himself reading a manky old book taking the occasional peek at Buffy. Halfway through the movie Tara says goodnight and shuffles off to bed.

The Watcher left pretty soon after Glinda, we sorted that Giles would take Buffy's bed while she slept in with Tara and I stayed on the sofa. I went round the living making sure all the windows were covered. I'd woken up on fire before, it wasn't an experience I wanted to endure again.

That left three empty tubs of ice-cream, one full one and the Slayer and me in the living room. She moved up on the sofa and patted the place next to her. Of course I obliged the lady; I didn't need to be asked twice.

We talked more about what had happened, Buffy asked whether Dawn had seen anything and how her friend acted when she woke up. I told her about the witch getting angry again and Buffy commented that it didn't seem to be just her that couldn't control what was happening.

"Aren't you tired? It's like three in the morning." Buffy asks, scooting a little closer to me to lean her head against my shoulder. "Well for one it's daytime for me really, plus I had my own little nap when you did Slayer, mine didn't even last an hour though."

She asks me to help her to the kitchen, wanting to check things over. I tell her about the windows and the mess so she's a little surprised when she sees that nothing is askew. Buffy asks me to remind her to ring the whelp in the morning to thank him.

Slowly we shuffle back to the sofa to watch another film and eat the remaining ice-cream. Buffy bring her knees to her chest and links her arm with mine as she puts her head back on my shoulder. She fits perfectly against me and I can't help but sigh with content.

We sit silently passing the ice-cream between us and before long it's gone. I place it on the coffee table and look round at Buffy. She's engrossed in the film but unbeknownst to her she has a small dollop of ice-cream on her chin and a smear of it next to her nose.

How it managed to get there I have no idea, why Buffy hadn't noticed was another question. I chuckled quietly to myself but she heard and glared at me. "Why are you laughing, this film is sad," she says, "and why are staring at me?" I lean back again and just shrug innocently.

Buffy clearly doesn't buy it because she sits straighter and faces me. "Are you laughing at me?" she questions. I laugh again looking back and forward between the separate spots of ice-cream and it obviously proves her theory. "Why are you laughing at me?" Buffy groans.

I pull her closer to me and wipe my finger across her face the show it to her. Buffy looks mortified and scrubs her hands down her face eliminated any trace, as she slowly turns red. Buffy scowls at me and slides to the other side of the sofa yawning hugely.

I go back to the kitchen to heat some blood and by the time I've drank it and washed the cup up I head back to the living room to see the Slayer curled up asleep. I make my way toward her and sit back down gently.

She's moaning and twitching which is unlike her. Her moaning gets louder and she starts to thrash around. I lean over to wake her when all of a sudden she sits up with a shout and lashes out causing herself to fall off the sofa. Tears are streaming from her eyes and she's shaking her head. Buffy squeezes her eyes closed momentarily then opens them to find me watching her; she crawls over to me and sits herself in my lap.

"Keep me safe." she whispers so softly. I lean down and kiss her forehead as she stares out. Eventually the Slayer falls back to sleep and it seems to be a deep one this time. I can't bear to disturb her when she looks so peaceful so I kick off my boots and settle myself down for the night absently stroking Buffy's golden hair as I follow suit and enter the world of dreams. I'll ask her what woke her in the morning.


	18. Chapter 18

The amount of sleep I've been getting the last few nights should be illegal, so if this chapter sucks, I apologize greatly!  
I got stuck with what to write in the beginning of this chapter, but I like the ending. I hope you do too.

Read and review, pretty please.

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Luckily I don't wake up in flames; instead I wake up wrapped up in Slayer. Sometime in the night I must have laid out on the sofa properly because as I wake up I notice Buffy's head on my chest, her knees brought up against my side and her arm slung casually across my chest with her fist clenched in my shirt. One of my hands is resting atop her head and the other is across her waist holding her to me.

I withdraw both hands immediately and try to scoot off the sofa without waking her, so as not to make her feel awkward waking in our strange yet comforting embrace even though I could have stayed like that forever and by some divine miracle it works. The slayer slowly brings her knees up even further into the foetal position as I slip off into the kitchen.

I think I'm all clear when I walk into the kitchen only to find Glinda already there drinking coffee. She gives me an all knowing smile and I just trudge past her to make myself some breakfast. We eat and drink in silence but she's still grinning at me. "Well you're looking awfully chipper this morning pet, slept well I hope?" I ask.

"Actually no, not really," Glinda says, smiling sadly, "but it looks like someone else had a pretty nice sleep." she says, nodding towards the living room. "Ah, so you saw that ay luv?" I reply giving my own nod in the direction of the sleeping Slayer.

"I saw and I see Spike, you both looked so serene, and both your auras seemed so content with where you were," Tara whispers, "although your aura is a lot duller and more muted I could still see it." Well this was awkward; I didn't want to be looking all bloody soft while I slept. I still had a reputation to uphold, but I suppose it was better Glinda seeing us like that then the Watcher.

It was easy to talk to Tara and that's what we did, we chatted about anything and everything except what had transpired here in this very room the day before. As it was still quite early it was a while until someone else came in to join us in the kitchen.

A stumbling Dawn was first and I was pretty sure she'd woken Rupert up with her stomping around. They came down within minutes of each other, Dawn was moody because none of us had woken her when Buffy had woken up but the anger was quickly forgotten when Tara made her favourite breakfast.

Rupert came in asking questions as soon as he passed the threshold. I told him everything had seemed fine, that she was just feeling sore, but it was obvious he wanted to hear it straight from the horse's mouth and not mine.

Shortly after, Buffy dragged herself into the kitchen shuffling pretty slowly. "Nobody talk to me," the Slayer groaned when she noticed the Watcher opening his mouth, "need coffee, now." Buffy said in a slightly husky voice that I found pretty sexy.

None of us said a word as we watched her quickly drink her coffee. "Okay Giles, ask away." He didn't need any more prompting and bombarded her with questions about how she felt.

We all seemed to just linger around the house, doing our own thing after we were all done with breakfast. Harris had called to check on things and update us on what Anya had said about Willow. At the mere mention of Red's name the Slayer flinched, she had now put Buffy through two traumatizing experiences. Girl needed a hard knock to the head with a blunt object if you asked me and oh how I would love to fulfil that little fantasy, stupid bloody chip.

The ex-demon had said that Red had come storming into the Magic Box and then shut herself up in the training room reading for the rest of the day.

After Harris's phone call Buffy pulled her Watcher aside and asked us for some privacy. The girls went upstairs and I went down to the basement to do my own bit of training. My own skills were lacking seeing as I had mostly played babysitter the whole summer.

I didn't want to listen in on their conversation so I made sure I was hitting or kicking things at all times so there wasn't a lull where I would catch a few words. The Slayer deserved her privacy, I had only been here a few days, and she didn't have to tell me everything. I admit I was jealous of old Ripper though and his bond with Buffy, I couldn't believe it, me, William the Bloody, the Slayer of Slayers, jealous of the tea drinking Watcher.

I hear the door shut about ten minutes later and then the Slayer descended the stairs with a forlorn look on her face. "Everything okay pet?" She folds her arms and gives me small nod. It was clear she didn't want to talk about it so I dropped the subject and asked if she wanted to do a little training.

Buffy politely accepted and we both went up to change into some sweats. Bit and Glinda go out to do some grocery shopping and go by hers to pick up a few clothes as Tara asked if she could stay a few more days. We took training slowly to begin with so Buffy could see how much she could endure, as it turns out it wasn't much and we only sparred for about an hour before she had to stop.

Buffy limped up the stairs to grab some water and I followed her up, she seemed to be in quite a bit of pain, perhaps training had been a bad idea. The slayer catches my concerned look and throws her bottle cap at me. "I know exactly what you're thinking and you're wrong, it wasn't a bad idea. I need this; it drains my anger and keeps my focused."

Buffy heads up to shower and follow behind to change even though I don't sweat. I strip off my t-shirt and chuck on my low slung black jeans. It is only a quick shower because within five minutes I hear the water turn off. Assuming she's done I walk into the bathroom through the door in my room to find the gel I use in my hair.

To my complete horror Buffy is standing there in her underwear. She doesn't notice me come in, her back is too me as one of her legs is the side of the bathtub as she's rubbing cream into her legs.

I stand still with my mouth hanging open my mind filling with fantasies of her body but I must make some sort of noise because she spins to face me only to slip in some water and go crashing to the floor with a sickening thud. I'm torn between rushing to her side to help her up and just turning around giving her some time to cover up, if I want to keep my head its best I just go.

I turn to leave but before I can even walk two metres Bit and Glinda come crashing through the bathroom door in a panic hitting Buffy clean in the face as she's rising from the ground. Oblivious to the Slayer slumped behind the door with her hands over her face, the Nibblet rushes in.

"What was that noise? We just came in when he heard this massive ba-" she cuts off mid-sentence hearing the groans of pain coming from behind her and her eyes go huge when she sees her sister. "Buffy? Why are you on the floor? And where are you clothes?" Bit says with pure confusion in her tone.

Dawn looks back and forward between the Slayer and I and her eyes somehow get even bigger and a sly smile appears on her face. "Oh, I see what's going on here," Dawn says, wagging her eyebrows at the both of us, "we've interrupted, we'll just be leaving then."

There's an identical look of horror on mine and Buffy's face. "Can someone please just help me up, I'm sick of people walking in on me half naked and then hitting me with doors?" Buffy shouts in an exasperated voice. I walk out into the hallway so Buffy can cover herself up.

They emerge from the bathroom with a thankfully fully clothed Slayer in-between the girls. I could have died and gone to heaven – or probably hell in my case – a happy man at seeing the beautiful golden goddess in a state of undress. Everything about her was pure perfection.

We explained what had really happened and Dawn was sniggering under her breath at the boringness of it. Unfortunately the Slayer ended up donning even more injuries now, she'd hurt her ankle when she fell so was limping even more and she said her head was a little dizzy.

I take over holding the Slayer up and lead her to her bedroom, while the others get ice packs "I'm sorry Buffy, this is my fault, I should have checked you weren't still in there." I whisper, stopping at the side of her bed."Don't worry about it roomie, I suppose we're even now anyway." We chuckle together quietly as I guide her to the bed and put a pillow under her ankle.

"My brain feels all fuzzy, like the static you see on the TV." Buffy says. I sit down next to her and move her hair away from her face to reveal a nasty red bump. "I told you that you Summers women are always in some sort of danger or trouble."

"Keeping you on your toes though aren't I," she laughs, "I laugh in the face of danger and trouble is my middle name." she says as Glinda and Dawn come in bringing water and icepacks. "It's nice to hear you think so highly of yourself there Summers, I think something like 'bloody difficult' or 'nuisance' is more appropriate." I declare as she takes a sip of her water. Buffy chokes and sprays out water, leaving Dawn with a disgusted look directed at her older sister.

"Oh as if," Buffy shouts, shoving my shoulder playfully "if anything those words applied to you, not me, back when you thought you were still the big bad." The slayer finishes as Dawn heads to her room as Tara heads back downstairs to grab the Slayer another glass of water.

I lean in ever so close to Buffy's ear, "I've told you already baby, I've always been bad." I purr, taking her chin in my hand and turning it so she's facing me head on. Buffy's breathing hitches and she stays perfectly still, our lips are mere centimetres apart.

I give her the sexiest smile I can muster, "I'll even bite, if you want me to, kitten." I whisper seductively, clamping my teeth shut just a hairs breadth from her lips. Buffy jumps slightly and I know I've gotten to her. Her eyes are going back and forth between my lips and my eyes and her heart rate is picking up speed.

Buffy rests her forehead against mine and slowly pushes her hand against my shoulder guiding me down until I'm lying flat on my back and she's hovering over the top of me. This was like a dream come true, literally. She turns her head slightly so her lips are just brushing against my ear while her hand slowly slides down my still exposed chest.

"Oh Spike," she whispers, her hand pulling my belt buckle undone, "you could never handle a girl like me." Then quick as lightning, before I can even comprehend what's going on she's gone, swaying her hips seductively out the door throwing a wink over her shoulder at me.


	19. Chapter 19

I hope everyone had a lovely weekend, whatever you did! :)

What did you think of the last chapter then? Hopefully it made you smile a little, I was smiling while I wrote it.

Thank-you for all the reviews and such, they're so encouraging!

Carry on we shall. .

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She me on my toes, Buffy was a hell of a women. My head had been giddy with the thoughts of the Slayer and I tangled in the sheets when she had been so close and trailing her warm little hands down my body. Even remembering it sent small shivers all over my body and the fantasies came back better and wilder than ever.

I took a few minutes to collect myself and found myself a clean shirt to put on then headed downstairs. Buffy and I crossed paths in the dining room and she gave the biggest man-eater grin I'd ever seen causing me to stop dead in my tracks it was so dazzling. "Now we're really even, Blondie" she whispered trailing her hand across my cheek while she walked by.

This woman would be the death of me! If this new Buffy kept up this little attitude I wouldn't be able to help myself and try provoke her at all times, especially if she'd play too. Buffy would come to me willingly, and she would hate herself for denying me for so long after I show her the best time of her life. The Slayer would truly beg me for release when the time came.

Unfortunately these glorious thoughts were interrupted when the front door closed and then a glass smashed somewhere, I whirled around to see Red lounging against the doorframe facing the living room but there was something different about her. She clearly hadn't seen me standing randomly in the other room. I step up behind` her quietly, "Someone is awfully brave," I declare near her ear but she doesn't flinch, "or maybe just stupid."

Willow doesn't turn to face me, "And someone needs to learn about boundaries," she says, but it doesn't sound like her, not really, she sounds, defiant like. I walk around her to stand between a very pale faced Slayer and scared looking Glinda.

"I'm pretty amazed you're still here actually Spike, living with Buffy when she still rejects must be driving you crazy, but I'm even more surprised she hasn't thrown you out after you attacked her best friend last night, guess she really does want you here." Red says, inspecting her nails.

"Ding ding ding, we have a winner," I say in an overly bright voice, "oh and you better hope little Dawnie doesn't come down anytime soon, I don't think your precious ego could take another thrashing from a little girl."

"Well I'm not here for Buffy so it doesn't concern Dawn; I'm here to talk to my girlfriend." Willow says calmly. The Slayer doesn't take her eyes off the witch but I look at Glinda and she nods almost undetectably. Tara steps forward and follows the red witch out through the kitchen and out the back door.

I see Buffy shaking slightly out the corner of my eye and my attention instantly switches to her. I take her hand gently and guide her to the couch but she doesn't sit. I look in her eyes and they have that strange faraway look in them she had when she first came back. "Buffy, luv, look at me, are you alright?"

She doesn't answer and she stays perfectly still. I suppose seeing Willow again after what she put her through has done this. That idea of hitting Red repeatedly with the blunt object was starting to look better and better if you asked me.

Tears are starting to fall down Buffy cheeks so I place one hand on her chin forcing her to look at me and the other on her shoulder. "Please." she whispered so softly, tears coming more freely now as her eyes flicker but don't blink.

I don't understand, why is she saying please? Perhaps Buffy is asking me to help her out of this like I have been when she goes back to her coffin. "Come on cutie, you know you're safe here with me." But she's still standing there motionless, not responding the way she usually did.

"None of us are safe anymore." Buffy says, her eyes suddenly finding mine, still not blinking as she grabs fistfuls of my shirt with her hands. I'm about to question her statement when her knees all of a sudden give out and she slumps against me with her eyes closed.

Did the most feared woman in the world just faint in my arms? I sweep Buffy into my arms and just stand there kind of confused at what to do with a limp Slayer. It's eerily quiet in the house as I turn to place her on the sofa when Dawnie comes rushing down the stairs then stopping when she sees Buffy in my arms.

"Was she hit with anoth-" but Bit was again interrupted by her older sister. This time though, instead of moaning Buffy's eyes shot open and a vicious cry escapes her throat. "Don't touch me!" she screams, trying to escape my hold. Her arms and legs are thrashing around and Dawn takes a step back.

I place Buffy on her feet and try to wrap my arms around hers to stop her from hitting out but she's so desperate for release it makes her quicker than me. "Sodding hell Slayer, will you just calm down for one bloody second!" I say gritting my teeth, "Bit go upstairs, you don't need to see this." Dawn backs away further then runs up the stairs.

The slayer slips out of our forced embrace and swings for me, narrowly missing my nose. She tries to fight me, her desperation makes her quicker, but it also makes her sloppy, meaning her aim is off. "I don't deserve this!" she yells, "What have you done to me!?" I keep blocking her attacks and soon I manage to wrap my arms around her torso from behind but she flips me over on my back.

"Why are you doing this to me?" she spits. "You're bringing me too my home just to trick me, I will never surrender!" Buffy screams, sending a brutal punch to my face, one again shattering my nose and stunning me. She brings back her arm aiming for another punch but just before her fist makes contact I roll just in time to watch her fist hit the floor with a sickening crack.

I can feel the blood from my nose flowing and smell the blood from her hand dripping on the floor but the Slayer doesn't even glance at it, she just looks at me with a livid expression and then charges, a brutal battle cry coming from her.

I don't have time to think so I draw my arm back and strike her in the chest just as she enters within arm's reach. Buffy goes down hard and I flip her over so I can straddle her and then position my knees on her arms, pinning her to the ground.

The Slayer fights desperately to buck me off but my weight makes it near on impossible. There are smears of both our blood on the floor from our struggle but neither of us takes any notice of our injuries right now.

"I don't understand a bloody word you're saying women, and you're going to hurt yourself even more if you carry on like this." I say in a pleading voice, trying to get through to Buffy, but it seems to just go straight over her head and she actually growls at me.

"You leave me no choice pet, I'm sorry." And with that, I send an almighty blow to the Slayers temple, knocking her out instantly and adding a second blow to the head within the hour. I roll myself over so we're both on our back and I let out an involuntary sigh.

I get into a crouching position and once again pick up an out of it Slayer and make my way back to her bedroom. Bit comes in just as I'm laying her down. "What happened to her?" she asks, sitting beside her sister and playing with a lock of her hair. "Not really sure Nibblet." I reply. I had my theories that it might have been a reaction to seeing the witch and remembering what she had seen, but Dawn didn't need to know Willow had been here.

Only then did I remember she had come to see Glinda and not Buffy. "Can you stay with her Bit', then call me if she wakes?" Dawn nods and I close the door behind me as I make my way back downstairs. I'm just pausing at the bottom of the stairs to listen when Glinda comes through the kitchen door. "Everything OK luv?" I ask as stops in front of me.

"Oh it's fine, I'm just going to get my things and go" she says, walking past me. Well that seemed surprisingly easy, seeing as Tara had witnessed first-hand what her girlfriend had done. "Hold on there Glinda, not two seconds ago you were scared at the sight of Red, what makes you think you won't be even more scared when it's just the two of you" I say to her back as she's climbing the stairs.

"She needs me" she answered in a monotone voice without turning. What kind of an answer was that? The girl needed psychiatric help, not just 'grounding'. How much could Tara really do for her? Well anyway, it wasn't my place to weigh in on things. If Tara wanted to go I wouldn't stop her. So I didn't, and she left. Without saying thank-you to Buffy, or goodbye to Dawn. I didn't even see Red, she must have been waiting outside for her. Something was wrong, Glinda would never go without saying her thanks, she was too polite.

Finally though, I had a chance to clean up and re-bandage Buffy's battered hand, to re-set my nose, drink some blood to help the healing and then clean myself and the living room up. I felt like the damn caretaker, checking to see if any furniture was broken in our small stuggle.


	20. Chapter 20

I'm so sorry that it's been such a long time since I updated, life has been getting in the way. It seems the past three weeks have been the busiest of my entire life so far.  
So hopefully things will be back on track now and I'll be able to update a couple of times a week, or at the least once a week.

Thank-you for being patient!  
Read, enjoy then review.

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It wasn't long before our warrior princess arose from her slumber, just over an hour I'd say. Hopefully I didn't hurt her too bad. I had hated to hurt her, but I could sense that she wasn't going to back down. It was for her own good, she could have seriously hurt herself, and she was acting all crazy like. Plus it was scaring Dawn, she didn't need to see Buffy going off the rails once again, we didn't want a repeat of what happened in the Bronze.

I was sitting in the living room nursing a well needed drink and thinking over the strange exchange with Tara when Bit called down too me that Buffy was waking up. I took the stairs slowly; slightly afraid the Slayer would have a go at me for knocking her out.

Gratefully I didn't have to worry about her shouting; instead I was just plain worrying. As I neared her door I could hear her talking to Dawn. She was asking the Nibblet how she'd gotten to her room when the last thing Buffy could remember was sitting in the living room with Glinda.

I rounded the corner into her room and she gave me a small soft smile that melted my heart, if she remembered what had happened downstairs there's no way she'd be smiling at me like that. "Hey Dawnie, could you maybe get your sister some water, I just want to have a quick word with her in private" I said. Dawn nodded slightly and shuffled out the room giving Buffy a sad glance over her shoulder, leaving the Slayer looking between the both of us confused.

"Well this doesn't sound good" she said quietly patting indicating she wanted me to sit next to her. I sat down and slowly pushed her hair aside to reveal bruising on her right temple. "Maybe training earlier had more effect on me than I thought, or maybe it was the door. I feel like I was sucker punched right in the head" Buffy whispers.

Well I have to tell her, but hopefully she'll understand once I've told her everything. "Well the thing is pet; you kinda were actually, by me, when you attacked me." Buffy didn't move, and she didn't look away from me. It was clear she believed me, probably the sad look on my face that did it. She didn't try to object, she just looked down and then flinched when she clenched her damaged hand. "Tell me what happened Spike" she answered, looking back up at me with an equally sad an expression as my own.

So I told her everything, including the weirdness with Tara which she found really odd too. I told her I had a hunch what was happening with Glinda but I wanted to run it by the Watcher before I told her. Once I finished explaining we sat there silently for a few minutes. "It's starting" Buffy whispers so quietly too herself, I don't even think she knows she said it out loud. "What was that luv?" Buffy's eyes widen, I don't think I was supposed to hear what she said.

"Oh nothing, just rambling, must be the multiple blows to my cranium" she says tapping her head lightly and looking away from me. She's lying to me, it's quite clear and she knows it, but still neither of us comments on it.

Buffy then sets off too ring for the Watcher, saying she's got her own things she wants to talk to Rupert about. Clearly it's just the Slayer and her Watcher in the loop and again I can't help but feel jealous that she can't confide in me.

But that isn't right is it? Buffy has confided me, her fears of herself and about her being in Heaven. She trusts me with her biggest secret so far, so it's only fair that she trust others with different matters that they would probably understand better than what I would.

The Summers/Spike household is quite for a few hours, which is highly unusual, the Scoobies are usually swarming around but it's just us three. Unsure of what we're supposed to we all just sit around watching telly. As we're sitting in comfortable silence a truly amazing idea comes to me. I rush to the kitchen to try a find small card with a number scrawled on it, after fifteen minutes of uprooting all the kitchen draws I find it and dial it immediately.

"Hello? What's happening? Do I need to come down?" the voice on the other end answered before I could utter a single syllable. "Ah, Captain Forehead, how lovely it is to hear your voice." There's a groan on the other end and then huge sigh.

"What do you want Spike? And why are you calling from Buffy's house, I thought it was an emergency." Someone was being rude, clearly no one had told him that Buffy was back, and hey, why should I be the one.

"I live here now mate, and before you go off on one at me, I haven't forced my way in here, the lady of the house asked me to move in" I said, obviously he'd assume Dawn had asked me, and although I'd love to prove the big poof wrong I was fine with keeping it too myself.

"Anyway, I didn't ring you just to update you on my living circumstances and have a nice bloody chit chat with you; I want to get some of that glass you got at your little office so we don't have to keep all the curtains and blinds closed."

"I'd like to speak to Giles, he can't agree to this, he hates you!" Angel said. At that moment Buffy walked into the kitchen and mouthed to me asking who was on the phone. "We're waiting on old Rupert ourselves, he'll tell you the same thing as I just did." Turning back to Buffy, when I mouthed back saying Angel she froze and asked if he knew that she was back.

I shook my head and silently asked her if she wanted me to tell him, she just shrugged and leaned against the counter opposite me. While this silent conversation had been going on between the Slayer and I, I had tuned out whatever the poofter had been saying.

"Whatever you were saying back there mate, I didn't listen to a word of it, probably a bunch of self-righteous bull anyway. Send us some of that glass, and before you ask, no I will not pay for it. After coming back from the great beyond I think Buffy deserves to be able to walk around her house in the sun, ok see you later bye" I said, immediately putting the phone down, not giving Mr Tall Dark and Forehead the time to respond.

I looked toward Buffy and she had small cheeky grin on her face, "You know he'll keep calling now don't you," she asked me. "Of course I know, that's what makes it better when I don't answer." Then right on queue the phone rang and both of us just stood there staring at each other with wide smiles on our faces.

"You're terrible" Buffy said, shaking her head at me. "You wouldn't like me any other way luv" I replied winking at her. From the living room Dawnie was shouting for one of us to answer the phone but we ignored her and went about our business.

The phone rang for about twenty minutes, one straight after the other and still no one answered. Buffy had said that she wasn't ready to talk to Angel yet, that she was still trying to adjust herself. Clearly I didn't complain, I didn't want Buffy to go off and have a happy little reunion with her ex boy, I'd rather have Captain Cardboard come back into her life.

Eventually the ringing stopped and then soon after that the Watcher strolled in. Angel had managed to get hold of him and verify what I had said about Buffy being back and living here, but he wanted to come and see for himself. It seemed that I wasn't the only one who didn't fancy the idea very much, Buffy and Giles had identical grimaces on their faces.

"Well anyway, you know more about what happened earlier than I do so you might as well fill Giles in" Buffy said as she shuffled Dawn upstairs. After the Slayer had made tea for the Watcher we all sat down and I rehashed the events that had gone on in his absence. He asked Buffy a lot of questions, but she didn't remember the little 'episode' as he called it at all.

I told him as many details as I could and we all came to the conclusion that either Red had sent Buffy there on purpose as a distraction or that just seeing her again had triggered it. The questions got a little awkward when Rupert asked me how I stopped Buffy, I stole a quick glance at the Slayer and she shook her head a miniscule amount, so I just told him that knocking her out had stunned me for a while and that was when my nose had started gushing blood instead of when she's broke it.

The next thing up for discussion was Tara, I told them both what had happened the day after the incident at the Bronze, how Tara didn't remember any of it and then how she had walked and talked earlier. I asked the Watcher if there was spells that could sort of wipe memories or plant different ones and unfortunately he said yes.

Rupert said that Willow was probably trying to control Tara so that she wouldn't be alone and that she might not even be aware that she was doing it. Seeing as the Scoobies were avoiding her, she had no one to tell her to stop and that it was probably bringing Buffy back that had given her the power to do magic without realising. It made a gloomy day even worse, thinking that Willow had sunk that far. Clearly she was going off the deep end.

Through this talk though, the Slayer and her Watcher kept giving each other strange looks and small nods, like they were having a whole other conversation without actually saying anything. Whatever was going on here seemed pretty serious by the grave faces on the both of them. It seemed like Buffy was never going to get a chance to actually enjoy being alive again, I suppose a Slayer's work was never really done.


	21. Chapter 21

Longest chapter so far!

Hope you enjoy, please review.

**Joss is master!**

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In the two days that followed the Slayer and I had started up patrolling again and Rupert was spending time with Tara trying to figure out the schematics of the spell that she had been placed under. Unfortunately, two days were all we got of normalcy; Giles hadn't been able to deter Angel from coming over to check on Buffy and so here we were, me and Bit sitting in the dining room playing cards, the Watcher in the kitchen and then Buffy sitting alone in the living room waiting for the arrival of Tall Dark and Forehead.

The Slayer was clearly anxious; her knee was bouncing up and down quickly and she kept wringing her hands, occasionally wincing when her knuckles came into contact with her other hand. I think we were all on edge really, for different reasons of course, but still on edge.

Rupert was worried about the strain it might put on Buffy, and not to mention the fact that even if it was a few years ago, Angelus had killed his girl. A guy doesn't ever forget that type of thing, he'd probably be wary of him for the rest of his life.

I was just scared that as soon as Buffy saw the big poof that she would go running into his arms and ask him to help her and not me. They had history, whereas Buffy and I were only just starting out in this new type of bond that we had created.

He knocked on the door about an hour after sunset. Buffy stood up from the sofa but didn't move towards the door at first, when he knocked again she moved into action. As she crossed to the door she looked my way before she opened it, she looked nervous so I gave a quick reassuring smile. "Just call me over if you need me pet, okay?" I whispered loud enough for her to hear. She nodded quickly at me and then turned to open the door.

She opened the door slowly, as if trying to buy as much time as possible before facing him. Once it was fully open though neither of them made a move and it was dead silent for a few moments. "I don't know if you've been invited in or not since I was," Buffy pauses, "dead. If you haven't, come in Angel."

Slowly Angel crosses the threshold and just stands there in front of Buffy. "You're really back?" Angel whispers so low that I'm sure it was only meant for Buffy's ears, but hello, vampire hearing here. "In the newly reanimated flesh" Buffy answers slowly reaching across to take his hand.

Angel looks down at their intertwined hands and a small smile spreads across his face. Please God don't let them go all soppy and mushy, I'll end up chucking my guts up all over the dining room floor. The slayer leads my grand sire into the living room and closes the door behind her blocking my view, but at least I'll still be able to hear. It's nosey and intrusive but I don't care, I wanna know what the great lump says to her.

At first the conversation sounds awkward, like they're both either nervous or just uncomfortable. I listen in, but it's not the great reunion I was expecting. I thought there would be cheering and tears of happiness; I guess things really had changed between them.

I found it pretty interesting that Buffy didn't confide in Angel how hard things had been for her and how she had felt them first few days. She told him vaguely that Willow had gotten herself in some trouble recently but she didn't let on that she had been the victim most times.

After an hour or two, Bit went up to bed and Rupert took her place playing cards with me. Neither of us was willing to leave Buffy here alone with Sir Brood A-lot, so switched to some hard liquor and I only listened into the conversation going on next door sporadically.

Soon enough their little talk got onto the topic of me, but before anything was really said I heard Buffy talking to me and not Angel. She hadn't raised her voice at all, it was still the same volume she had been speaking to Angel in.

"Spike I know you're listening," then she paused and I smiled and chuckled as she called me out on it, "can you come in here please. Oh and tell Giles to put his glasses down, he'll break them otherwise. Angel has that glass you were talking about in his car, tell him to call Xander and ask if he could come over tonight to start on them. It's probably better they get done at night anyway."

I looked up from my cards and noticed the Watcher was indeed cleaning his glasses again. He was oblivious that Buffy had even said anything. "The lady wants you to give Harris a quick bell, see if he'll make a start on the windows tonight, Captain Forehead has the glass with him now."

The Watcher looked at me with squinted eyes for a second, clearly confused for my random outburst. "She knows I can hear her," I said, nodding in the living room direction "and she was just talking to me. Told me tell you to stop cleaning your glasses too."

"Ah right, certainly," he said, getting up from the table, "I'll do that right now then." After the cards were tidied away I brought the two glasses me and Rupert were using and the alcohol into the living room. "Peaches," I say, nodding in his direction, "always a pleasure to see your smiling face" I declare with obvious sarcasm.

The Slayer is sitting on the sofa with Angel across from her on one of the chairs so I stroll in and sit down next to Buffy. "Figured you'd need one of these luv," I say, pouring her a small drink, "God knows I would" I whisper as I lean close to her ear quickly. When I lean back Buffy takes her drink and I wink at Peaches when he looks between the two of us with a puzzled look on his face.

"I don't understand why Spike is here Buffy, you asked him to move in?" Angel asks. The Slayer lets out a lengthy sigh and downs her drink. "For a start he stayed here every night anyway to make sure Dawn was safe when I was dead so when I came back it made sense that he stay here seeing as I couldn't protect anyone and I was the more dangerous one of the two of us."

"What do you mean you were dangerous Buffy?" He asked, eyes focused only on Buffy.  
"Angel, I haven't been completely honest with you. I was scared of what you would think of me. I wasn't brought back by choice, if I had my way I would have stayed dead" she pauses and pours herself another drink.

"My resurrection wasn't a happy one," she declares shuddering, "there was no one waiting with open arms for me. I had to fight my way out of my coffin by myself and I was traumatized, I was having such a hard time being here and I was pretty much a ticking time bomb" she says, staring at the floor.

"Hold on. Let me finish" she whispers before Angel interrupts. "Spike could see all this; all the effects being back were having on me when no one else did. I'd probably be lying in hospital somewhere in a comatose state if Spike hadn't been here. He brought me back when all I wanted to do was go and he help me come back to myself when I went back to being in my coffin. He understood what it was like and it helped."

"Now though, I want to be here, and that's all Spike's doing as well. He helps me channel all my anger into fighting so that I don't hurt any of my friends. He willingly puts himself in danger to keep my friends and Dawn safe, even if it is from me" she whispers the last few words and her eyes start to tear up.

I slid a little closer to her and Buffy reaches for my hand, I give it a reassuring squeeze and she finally looks up from the floor. Buffy smiles at me and lets out a strangled type of laugh while she wipes her eyes. I think she might be shaking, clearly talking about everything had gotten to her.

Angel hadn't uttered a word during Buffy's little speech but as soon as he noticed Buffy clinging to my hand still he finally looked at me and gave me menacing stare. "Buffy, it sounds like you're going through a lot and I am sorry for that, but I really think you're making a mistake letting Spike live here with you. He hasn't got a soul Buffy, he could turn on you at any moment."

"Oh as if Peaches! I still neutered thanks to this sodding chip remember. Don't get all pissy jus' 'cause you're jealous that I actually have the balls to stick around when things get hard and you don't. I even stuck around when she wasn't here, but where were you friend? Off brooding about a lover that you didn't even care enough to stay with," I said, standing up from the sofa and pointing a finger at Angel, "You of all people don't get to judge mate, I'm twice the man you'll ever be Angel and I don't even have a soul."

Angel had gotten up too and now we were only inches apart from each other, Buffy forgotten for the moment. This was a rivalry that had been forged the very day I was turned and had been raging ever since. "What makes you think you know what she needs Spike? What's best for her?" he shouted.

"Well you made bloody sure that you wouldn't know what it was mate didn't ya? Who are you to come into _our _house and criticize?" I replied. Angel barked out a sarcastic laugh in my face, the guys face was going to meet my fist in a minute. "You might have fooled Giles and even Buffy momentarily and squirmed your way in here but this isn't your house Spike, you'll never truly be welcome here. You honestly think she'd willingly choose _you_ to help her over _me_?" Angel declared shoving my chest

A sly smile spread across my face as I answered his question. "Take a look around mate, seems to me that she did just that. You only know Buffy is alive because I told you!" I spat at him. "She could have called you any time Peaches and she didn't. Now take a step back you bloody blind idiot and you think about that."

I had got him, as soon as I had said it his brave face had fallen. He blinked a few times and stepped back finally. His hand moved to the bridge of his nose and unnecessary sigh escaped without looking at her he spoke in an exasperated tone. "Buffy, you're clearly not thinking straight, I might not know what is best for you but it certainly isn't Spike."

But the Slayer didn't answer him so finally I turned towards her and so did Peaches. "What's she doing?" he asked. Buffy was sitting on the edge of her seat shaking. Both her legs were bouncing up and down with one fist clenching and unclenching and then the other rubbing her palm against her forehead quite roughly. She was taking long ragged breaths and her eyes were doing that weird flickering without blinking.

"Oh bloody hell." I rushed to kneel in front of Buffy and pulled her hands into mine but she ripped them away and rested her forearms against the top her head and started rocking back and forth. Angel must have been a little freaked because I heard him calling for Giles.

"Hey kitten, it's me," I whispered, "You want to come on back?" But she didn't respond. "Buffy luv, you're not there," I said, stroking her hair, "You're safe." Still nothing though. I heard movement from behind me somewhere but I my attention was so fully on Buffy that I didn't dare talk to the Watcher. "You've been doing so well Buffy, we haven't had to do this in a while, why don't you come back, pet?"

"Spike?" she whispered desperately without looking at me and still rocking.  
"Yeah cutie it's me, I'm here" I replied, but she didn't say anything back after that. I kept trying to talk to her but nothing seemed to be working, one minute she was with me and there a lucidness in her eyes but then the next it was gone and her pupils were dilating to the size of marbles and she was starting to mumble.

A few moments later in a moment of clarity she finally spoke again. "I can't come back Spike," she said starting to sob, "Help me come back." So I did. I stayed in front of Buffy and kept reassuring her that she wasn't there and that she was safe. I rubbed her arms and I stroked her hair. I did all the things that usually brought her back and more.

Minute by minute my golden warrior came back to me. She stopped crying, then rocking. After that Buffy lowered her arms and took hold of my hands. Eventually her breathing and heart rate evened out and then finally she was sitting still and finally looking back at me.

"There you go luv, I told you I would always come for you, no matter what." Ever so slowly Buffy leans forward and shyly puts her arms around me and pulls herself close, hugging me. For something so simple it felt so special. It was proof that our relationship really had changed. Not wanting to waste the opportunity I slid my own arms around her. "It would take more than a lifetime for me to repay all things you've done for me Spike."

Before I could reply to the sweet sentiment that Angel clearly had heard thanks to his enhanced hearing he rudely butted in. "Umm is someone going to tell me what the hell just happened. Buffy?"


	22. Chapter 22

So this chapter has taken me ages to write, if it is of poor quality then I deeply apologize!

I'm heading off to the New Forest for a week tomorrow so I won't be able to post anything 'till maybe next Monday. I hope you are enjoying the story and hopefully I'll have lots of nice reviews to read once I'm home again.

**Joss Rules!**

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"Please Angel, if I were you right now, I'd give her some space," Rupert answered, "you see now what she goes through on a near everyday basis." I still kept my eyes on Buffy when she quickly retracted her arms from around my neck; thankfully I could count on the Watcher to recognize when she was struggling.

"She does this every day? Well that just proves that Spike isn't helping at all, let me take her LA, I'll help her." As soon as the words left Angel's mouth Buffy's head whipped around. "What did you just say?" Oh no, I know where this is leading.

"You're clearly not getting better Buffy, you need help. I know you said that without Spike you probably wouldn't be here but I don't believe you and I think Spike is just playing on that so he can stay here with you. You're not yourself and you aren't thinking clearly because of it, letting him live with you, it's ridiculous. You two were sworn enemies and now you're roommates? It's crazy." What a way to put your foot in it; undermining the Slayers judgement in front of the lady. Maybe Peaches could do with a good verbal lashing; this was going to be fun.

Buffy shot up from the sofa and stalked her way to Angel. "How dare you stand in my house and think you have a right to whey in on my life. Spike is right, just because you didn't have the guts to stay with me you're jealous," she spits at him "now you know how wounded I am you think you can swoop in here and act like my knight in shining armour."

The look on Angel's face is priceless! Clearly he hadn't guessed Buffy was capable of this type of reaction; but I knew she hadn't even scratched the surface yet. "What you saw here today is only about a quarter of what I go through daily, you think all of a sudden you're ready to put up with all of this? When you couldn't even handle me at my best!" she shouted.

"You have the audacity to come to my home and think you know me!? You don't know me Angel, not anymore. The woman you loved is dead and I know you'd do anything to get her back but she's gone!" Buffy shouted at the top of her lungs. Her body language screamed with the need to fight; her fists were tightly clenched and her feet were planted in a way that would make it easier for her to attack.

Angel was just standing there dumbfounded. The Slayer's anger was at an all-time high "I don't need you here Angel, everybody I need is already in this house. It's clear that none of my friends thought you should have been called, even when I was shutting them out they didn't call you. Take. The Hint." Buffy had practically growled the last few words.

Slyly I got Rupert's attention without Buffy noticing and I nodded in her direction. Buffy was shouting at the top of her lungs and I'd bet that any second she was going to swing for the big lump if we didn't step in. Her Watcher walked to stand at her side and calmly took hold of her upper arm to try turn her away. The Slayer wasn't having any if it though and started pulling against him, so I grabbed on to her other arm and started dragging her back.

Giles was no match for her when she really started pulling against me so he just let go and tried to shuffle Angel out of the room. "Calm down there luv" I gritted out, but in usual Slayer fashion she acted totally oblivious to my statement and carried on struggling against me.

"I think you should leave mate, seems like you've made quite the impression here tonight and I'd say you've worn out your welcome" I shouted through the doorway over the sounds of an angry Slayer. I had managed to pull her arms behind her back and then force her to her knees so that she wouldn't kick out at me. I felt terrible manhandling her in such a way but I knew she probably didn't mean most of the things she had said.

Even through all the noise, I could hear clearly what the Watcher was saying. He had told Angel what had happened on that first night in the Bronze and how sometimes you just didn't know how Buffy would react. He used terms like unstable, erratic and unpredictable. I hated hearing these words being applied to the women next to me but it was true. No matter how much progress I thought we had made recently, she was still on edge and she still harboured so much rage in her.

"You know what Angel? Spike is the knight in shining armour; you're just the boy dressed in tin foil. He doesn't _need_ a soul to be a good man. Now get out of this house before I do something I regret" Buffy said, almost calmly. I thought it was brilliant, what she said, and so very true. Rupert told him not to take it personal but he'd probably just go home and brood about it for the next several days.

Angel asked that Giles ring him every day to update him on Buffy's progress and the Watcher agreed. He swung round to face Buffy one more time, saw the animosity still in her eyes and left without a word. Good riddance if you asked me.

As soon as Angel was out of our line of sight Buffy calmed instantly. "You can let me go now Spike" she said.  
"You sure 'bout that pet?" She nodded silently and I let her slide from my grasp. Buffy got up from the floor and faced her Watcher. "I'm sorry you had to see that Giles. I guess I don't have that much of a handle on all my anger, could you stay here tonight in case Spike needs help if I lose it again" she said looking at the floor and shuffling her feet. Rupert said he'd help anyway he could and he'd stay for as long as she needed. The Slayer then turned back to me, "Will you come and work out with me please? I feel like I might spontaneously combust at any second." she said.

"'course I will luv, Harris is coming over tonight so it would probably be best if we distract you for a little while anyway, don't wanna go bashing up any of your mates now do ya?" I said. "No matter how much they bloody well deserve it" I tacked on the end in a whisper.

Unfortunately the Slayer was close enough to hear what I had said. She tried to give me one of her famous glares but I just casually rebuffed it with my most infamous smirk that I knew she detested. I was just making it clear that I still hated her friends. Buffy gave a small harrumph and then started shaking her head at me with a smile on face while wiping her hand down her face. "I'm going to go change quick; I hope you're ready to get your ass handed to you" Buffy called over her shoulder at me as she started up the stairs.

"I'd rather have _your _arse handed to me pet," I reply, making it obvious in my tone I'm checking her out, "'cause what a fine thing it is indeed." My head is tilted slightly to the right as I watch her body move as she carries on up the steps. I make sure my best leering face is on when she turns around and I even bit my lip and wink at her. I'm deliciously rewarded by seeing Buffy start to blush a deep red and watch her scurry up the stairs faster.

Less than five minutes passed and we were both standing in the basement. "I want the real thing right now ok? No going easy on me. I want this is to be a no holds barred kind of fight. If you aren't willing to go all out then you might as well leave" Buffy said in a stern voice; clearly showing she was in no mood to joke. She was coming to kick arse, and mine unfortunately was the only one around that could take the beating I knew Buffy was about to let loose. "I hear what you're saying Slayer, count me in."

Buffy nodded, closed her eyes and took a huge breath, letting it out slowly. "Come at me" she whispered knowing I'd hear her. Not to keep the lady waiting I ran at her full speed. Knowing the real Slayer was coming out to play I truly did pull out all of the stops. We battled like animals or savages for hours.

We heard Harris come in but still we didn't stop our dance. The energy emanating off the Slayer was glorious, her anger and desperation seeping through her and I could feel it all around us. When Buffy truly gave in to the Slayer side of herself she easily overpowered me although not enough to make it an unfair fight.

Every punch or kick between us was vicious. I felt my nose shatter once again as well as my collarbone breaking. Because of the strength of our bodies none our blows ever split the skin but we were both going to be bruised as hell in the morning. No matter how much damage was being done I knew Buffy still had so much more to give. I ran towards her but I knew she was expecting me to punch so instead I slid to the floor stopping just beside her and I kicked her legs out from beneath her. Buffy's knee hit the cement with a crack and yet still we continued silently in our battle of wills.


	23. Chapter 23

"Hey Buff, I'm done wi-" Buffy had just dislocated my arm and I sent a hard blow to her ribs with my other arm when we were interrupted. "Buffy!? Did you just see that? Spike just hit you without it hurting him!" Harris shouted from the stairs. Of course neither of us had any sort of plan about what to do if it came out that I could hurt Buffy so we both stood there sort of shell-shocked.

It also shows how immersed we were in our battle that neither of us had heard him coming down into the basement. "I guess the cat's out of the bag huh?" Buffy whispered to me wincing when she touched her ribs. "Well I might not have seen it Xan, but I definitely felt it that's for sure."

The Slayer was trying to crack jokes at a time like this? Was she crazy? Well actually, I suppose she was a little bit. Once everyone found out I could hurt Buffy they wouldn't want me here. If Angel found out he'd probably come and drag my arse out in the open and set me on fire somewhere.

"I think you might have broken a rib or two," Buffy said to me before turning away, "Will you help me over to that chair please?" she asked Harris. Of course he ran straight to her side and put her arm over his shoulder. Very slowly Xander helped her hobble over to a chair in the corner of the basement. "Buffy did you know Spike could hurt you? Did he do all this to you?"

The Slayer lowered herself on to the chair excruciatingly slowly, she kept wincing or gasping when she discovered a new injury. We had been so engaged in our fight that we hadn't even catalogued any of our injuries yet.

"Yes to both questions, but befo-" Buffy started to answer before she was interrupted.  
"I knew it! I'll kill him," he shouted before turning to face me, "I'll kill you, you here that!" Before Harris had even taken two steps towards me though the Slayer cut in. "Xander, please don't make me in a bad mood again, I've been down here for ages just trying to work off the one that Angel brought on and I'd really like to go to bed at some point tonight. So please just calm yourself and listen for a sec okay?"

While Buffy was explaining to the boy about why I could hurt her and that I still couldn't hurt anyone else I made my way to where my duster was hanging. I pulled a smoke and a lighter using my one good arm and waited patiently for the little pep talk to be over. It gave me time to check out my injuries though but there was nothing that a few cups of blood wouldn't fix. It was just my shoulder that would need to be put back into place.

"I'm just going to finish up down here and then I'll be up okay, we'll talk more about it in a minute." Harris nodded and stalked his way back upstairs, giving me the most intimidating look his ugly mug could muster as he walked by, which wasn't even a one, on the scale or intimidating faces.

The endorphins were running out in my body and I was starting to feel the pain a lot more of my muscles all stretching where they were out of place. A lit up another smoke because I knew rectifying this injury was sometimes a little nasty. "Fancy giving us a literal hand over here then Slayer, a man's gotta 'av both his arms to take on the likes of you every few days when you throw a temper tantrum now don't he."

"Of course, sorry." Slowly she made her way over to me and helped me pop it back into place. Seems like we both had a fair amount of knowledge on such an injury and what we had to do with it. "I wasn't really ready for anyone to find out that you could hurt me. I just figured that because there was never actually any marks showing, just bruises, that we could blame them on equipment and things." Buffy let out a huge sigh and sat down on the bottom step.

"Xander is going to want me to tell Giles now" she whispered, looking up at me with sad eyes. Buffy pushed her hair back from her face and put her head in her hands. I made my way towards her and sat down beside her. "Buffy, you don't have to do anything if you don't want to. Surely Harris understands that you can make your own decisions. He owes you for being such a bloody wanker anyway." That got a small smile to appear on her lips.

It only lasted a second though. "I just get so frustrated that everyone feels like they need to tell me what to do; like I haven't kept them all alive this long by making my own decisions, you know." Poor girl, I knew the only reason that Buffy had lasted this long was because of the love and ties she had to people here, but they were also the reason she was so miserable most of the time.

Buffy rose from the stairs and picked up a random bit of clutter from one of the many boxes still in the basement. She continually tossed it in the air and caught it without looking. It was clear her co-ordination was pretty much on point once again. "Well at least Xander has put that special glass in, we don't need to all be walking around in the dark anymore."

"If I'm causing any problems Buffy, just tell me. I know it must be hard to see me here" I said, looking anywhere but at her. The Slayer walked towards me but I still didn't meet her gaze. "Spike look at me please" Buffy whispers. When I still don't look at her she gently places her hands on either side of my face and turns my head to meet her beautiful eyes.

"I know we've never really seen eye to eye Spike, but I'm not too proud as to downplay how much I depend on you. I feel like we've both come so far in such a short amount of time," with every word I could fill my spirits rising, Buffy removed her hands from my face and took hold of one of my hands, "I'd like to think we're friends now. You can be so brutally honest with me, you tell me when I'm being a pain in the ass and I thank you for it. Everyone else just tries to point out everything I'm doing wrong. You don't judge me, because you understand what it's like in a way that my friends don't."

It was a touching moment between the two of us and I was revelling in it. "Friends sounds good luv" I said giving her hand a small squeeze and a big goofy grin. The Slayer gave me a glowing smile in return and we both chuckled at the whole reality of us.

"Now be a friend and help me up these stairs please. I'm pretty sure I can hear my bed calling my name from here," Buffy declared, putting her hand to her ear, "Yep I hear it, it needs me pretty bad." I smirked at the Slayer and her goofy ways and swopped her up in my arms so she didn't need to hurt herself any more than what I had already done to her.

"I didn't hurt you to bad did I pet?" I asked her but she shook her head and told me she was just feeling a bit sore. Buffy said she'd be a little bruised tomorrow but other than that no worse for wear. I carried on through the kitchen, passing a bewildered Harris and headed up the second set of steps towards Buffy's room. "Well that certainly was an unexpected bonus. I knew I made the right choice in letting you live here" she said as I set her down on her bed.

"One of those perks you get, having a good looking and strong guy around the house," I told her, adding a wink, "Don't go getting used to it now though Slayer, there's only so many good deeds I'm capable of." Buffy chucked one of her many pillows at me. "Goodnight Spike." With that I backtracked out of her room and shut the door behind me.


	24. Chapter 24

After leaving Buffy to rest I made my way back down the steps towards Harris. Again he gave me a dirty look as I entered the kitchen. He was leaning against the counter, one leg crossed over the other. "Before you go off on one Harris don't you think that if Buffy wanted everyone to know I could hurt her now that she would have told you all? You think Buffy, headstrong, immovable and stubborn Buffy, would let me anywhere near her if she really thought I would hurt her or Bit?"

Xander's mouth flapped open and closed like a fish. He obviously didn't know how to respond to my statement. As he tried to figure out something to say I warmed up some blood and chugged it down. My arm was still feeling a little sore though so I made another mug.

"Buffy still has so much going on, explaining all this bloody nonsense about being able to hurt her is the last thing on her mind right now. Not to mention her reunion with Captain Forehead didn't go to well either, he had the Slayer nearly throwing fists at him" I say chuckling as I relive the priceless look on Angel's face.

"So I heard, it's about time Buffy gave Dead Boy a decent boot up the backside. Never liked the fella. I don't even know what Buffy ever saw in him. All that brooding and the tortured soul act must get super annoying."

"Tell me about it. You should have seen her though, she was brilliant. She gave the Poof a right good talking to" I replied, laughing to myself.  
"Wish I had been there" Harris said. When we lapsed into silence I think we both realised at the same time that we had both actually agreed on something for the first time ever. It immediately turned awkward and Xander strode out of the kitchen. "Tell Buff I'm sorry about earlier will you" he called over his shoulder, pausing at the front door. "'course mate." And with that, he left, leaving me to my thoughts.

Every day with the Slayer seemed to be an adventure in itself. Every day was different from the previous one. Because Angel had come over me and the Slayer hadn't gone out on patrol so I grabbed my duster and set out to make the rounds.

It was just about midnight, so all manner of beasties were bound to be rising right about now. My body wasn't really ready to be in a fighting situation again so quickly but I'd do whatever I could to lighten Buffy's load. So if that meant getting beaten on that little bit more, then so be it.

It was about two hours later when I made my way back down Revello Drive. The demon population wasn't as large as it had been recently. Buffy had been kicking arse in a severe way; they were scared of running in to the new ferocious Slayer so they stayed well away and hidden.

As I walked through the front door I heard hushed whispering. Buffy was whispering something about seeing fragments of something, and that apparently they were awful. I felt rude practically eavesdropping on an unsuspecting Buffy. When she knew I was listening it was different. I made my presence known but shutting the front door a little more loudly than usual.

The whispering instantly stopped and Rupert stepped out into the hallway and greeted me with a nod. "Watcher," I replied with my own nod, "Just been out on patrol." Rupert asked me some questions about patrol and as I answered I noticed Buffy in the corner of my eye sliding out of the kitchen to lean against a chair in the dinning room.

My eyes slide to her instantly. I can't help but look at her whenever she walks into a room. Buffy was covered in a light sheen of perspiration and it seems that she putting all her weight on the chair, as if she can't even hold herself up. The Slayer notices me eyeing her, takes a deep breath and places her hands behind her back and stands up straighter. I can see it clear in her eyes that she's struggling to stand. The three of us stand there in an uncomfortable sort of silence for a few seconds. After I realise they aren't about to include me on what is happening I slouched past them both and made my way through to the kitchen. The extra fighting I'd done today had made me pretty hungry.

As I warmed up my blood I listened in to the conversation going on out in the hallway. "I'll go back to the house now and read up on some things. Will you be okay here tonight?" Rupert said. "I'll be fine Giles, just go, and then bring me back some good news please" Buffy answered.

After the Watcher left, Buffy wandered back to the kitchen and poured herself a glass of water. "Not sleeping very well pet?" Finally she looked directly at me. She gave me a weak and tired smile. "You know how it is" she replied, shrugging her shoulders. I nodded and then we lapsed into silence. I was getting thirsty again. Not hungry though. Being around Buffy always made me nervous. "Fancy a hot chocolate love? Might help you sleep."

Buffy gave a relieved kind of smile and nodded her head enthusiastically. I laughed at her reaction and set about making us our drinks. While I fetched and poured the milk into cups, Buffy found the hot chocolate and the small marshmallows that her mum had often used. Still, we both stayed silent. It was nice; neither of us seemed to feel like we had to fill the space with our words. We were fine as we were, working in quiet harmony.

We sat down at the small table in the kitchen in our continued silence and as we did we both let out a long sigh. We laughed quietly and took sips of our drinks. "Almost as good as she used to make it ay, love" I said. Buffy just replied with a small nod. I sat there and thought back to when I had drunk hot chocolates with Joyce, and by the look on Buffy's face she was doing the same.

After the cups were cleared away and there was nothing else to be said that night, I offered out my hand to the Slayer and she took it without a moment's pause. Like I had done so many times, I led her through the house, up the stairs and back towards her bedroom.

"Spike wait," Buffy whispers, pulling back on my hand and stopping us just outside her bedroom door. Without looking at me, Buffy intertwines our fingers and then lets our joined hands rest between the two of us. "Thank-you for doing the patrol tonight, the thought never even entered my mind. I'm all tapped out" she said, tapping the side of her head.

"Don't worry about it Slayer," I reply quietly, smiling just a little at her. "I got ya covered, pet." With that, I slowly released my hand from hers and started walking down the narrow hallway to where I slept. Just as my hand reached for the door handle however, Buffy spoke again. I slightly turned my head towards her; she was leaning against her doorframe shrouded in darkness coming from her room. "Can you trust that there is a valid reason I'm keeping things from you Spike? I need to know that you won't push me on this."  
"I hear you crystal clear Slayer."


	25. Chapter 25

Thank-you for being patient. A whole chapter couldn't explain all the things I've been dealing with these past three weeks so I won't bore you.

Hope you enjoy, and please review if you do like it.

**Buffy and Joss both rule!**

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As the days passed things finally seemed to be going back to normal; patrolling was easy with the Slayer, Dawn started school again and Giles checked in once or twice every day to check on Buffy. Peaches called every day and actually spoke to both Buffy and me, asking how she was doing. I was sad to hear her apologizing to him for her outburst, I had hoped she'd stay pissed at him for a long time to come.

The Slayer still had a few of her 'blackouts' or 'episodes' as we had come to call them, but we easily overcame them. We had good days and bad days. Sometimes I would hear Buffy waking up crying in the middle of the night though, but she had never said anything about it.

As expected though, normal didn't last. In one of the training sessions me and the Slayer had things had taken a turn for the worst. Buffy had launched a particular heavy object at me and as I dashed out of the way it hit one of the water pipes behind me and we flooded the entire basement.

The whole gang came round to try save everything we could, even Red was there. Although they didn't really talk, just exchanged a few short words but Buffy did thank Willow for helping out at the end of the day. Perhaps the two of them would be back on track. Of course that wasn't the actual worst of it. Turns out that the Summers family were running pretty low on funds. Joyce's hospital bills had taken a large chuck of the money the girls had been left.

Will I had been living here with Dawn I had paid as much of the bills myself that I could, I even bought all of Bit's groceries. I felt ungrateful living here and using any of her money so I had pitched in where ever I could. Also giving Dawn pocket money when she wanted to go out. As it turns out now though, if I hadn't done that, Buffy would be completely flat broke. As the ex-demon explained the situation, Buffy took the news surprisingly well considering.

Giles and Anya stayed to help Buffy go through everything whilst running through ideas on how to come up with the money for all the pipes. Once Dawn was home though, the subject of money was off limits so both the Watcher and Anya left. Buffy set off for the kitchen to start dinner and I sat down with Dawn to help with her first bit of homework.

Buffy called us to the dinner table thirty minutes and we all sat and chatted about how Bit's first days at school had been. As I helped Buffy clear the table after we had all finished I noticed she wasn't really responding the way she usually did. She seemed to be on autopilot, which she hadn't done in a while.

I followed her into the kitchen and watched as she dumped the plates into the sink but as she turned the tap on she just stood there, seemingly mesmerized by the water. I called her name, but she didn't answer.

Right on schedule the phone rang. Peaches called at the same time every day. I reluctantly walked to the phone as Buffy still stood there. She probably just needed some time to process things. "Buffy?" asked Angel instantly as I picked up the phone. "Sorry mate, just plain ol' me tonight." We had come to an unspoken agreement while on the phone, neither us of would try rile up the other and it was just strictly business.

"Good day or bad?" he asked. I looked up at Buffy and walked through into the living room. Wouldn't be fair to talk about her whilst we were in the same room. "In the middle I think buddy. She's been doing well all day but she found out there's hardly money left from the bunch that Joyce left. We've gotta pay for a full copper re-pipe in the basement, so we're in a bit of a tight spot at the moment" I explained.  
"Well then I'll transfer some money over for her." The way he said it was so final that it ticked me off. "Peaches, are you forgetting who we're bloody dealing with here? Don't you think that option has already been suggested and then shot down. This is Buffy, she'd never accept it."  
"Well persuade her to then Spike, I'm trying to help."  
"She'll never go for it mate, you know that. But enough about the money. Buffy is in the kitchen at the moment, but I don't think she's really there, if you know what I mean." Angel let out a huge sigh down the phone.

"One of those episodes?" he asked in a sad voice. He still seemed to take it pretty hard when I had to explain the Slayers bad days. "No. Buffy used to do it when she first came back, sort of retreating into herself when she thought no one was looking. I should go though, Peaches. Make sure she's doing alright." Slowly Angel agrees but asks if I'll tell him how it goes when he calls tomorrow.

As I round the corner to replace the phone I only get to utter half a syllable of Buffy's name before something crashes through the front door. The Slayer switches instantly, going on full alert, racing out into the hallway. I race out behind her and hear Dawn scream from the top of the stairs.

Buffy is already wrestling with a green demon twice the size of her. The demon flips her off him with ease and I jump right in throwing punches and sending him reeling back to crash into the coffee table and smashing it to pieces. "Not the table!" Buffy exclaimed. I yanked the demon up by the arm and Buffy ran in to send a flying kick to the guys face which sends the intruder reeling but unfortunately he hurtles into another object and smashes it. "Hey watch it! That's a designer lamp you mook!"

After that the Slayer gets real angry and proper flies off the handle at the piece of scum. Buffy ushers him into the kitchen with vicious blows and tells me to open the basement door. I realise what she's doing and manage to wretch open the door just in time watch her send the demon flying downwards but he has a good hold on Buffy and they both go clattering down the steps.

I rush down quickly to help the Slayer finish the wanker off. We leave the body down in the basement, vowing to clean it up in the morning. Buffy starts walking around the house to survey all the damage that's been caused.

I head up the stairs to make sure Dawn is ok as Buffy's taking inventory. After a few minutes I head back down in search of the Slayer but she's not in the kitchen anymore. I listen carefully and then follow the sounds of soft sobs out the back door and onto the decking in the back garden.

I slide down and sit next to Buffy on the steps. Before I can even start asking her what's up she speaks up. "I can't do this" she says whimpering. I move a little closer to her and rest my arm around her shoulders. Buffy leans into my embrace and we sit there for a minute or two while she attempts to compose herself.

"How did mum ever pay for all this damage, I've trashed the house so many times before" she says quietly once there are no more tears falling. "We'll fix it, love. No need to worry, we'll figure a way to get the money for the basement and the repairs to the house." Buffy sniffles for a little bit before looking up at me. Her face looks so beautiful in the moonlight, the tears lingering on her skin sparkle and I use my other hand to wipe them away.

I'm transported back to a time when we were in a similar situation on these very steps when her dear old mum was ill. "How can you be so optimistic about everything Spike? You said you could help me when you didn't even know how bad I was back in the beginning, you think I'll be ok even though I'm having a hard time. You talk like you already know how things will turn out."

I'm intrigued by her question but there's only one answer I can give. "It's because I believe in you Buffy. You have the ability to overcome things the rest of us could never even begin to understand or dream of ever being capable of overcoming. No one will ever know how hard it was for you to send Angel to hell back then; I saw that when you two were fighting that you didn't want to. But I also saw the fierce determination in your eyes that meant you knew what had to be done, to put your own feelings aside." I place my hands on either side of her face and turn her towards me. Silent tears are again flowing freely from her gorgeous eyes. "No one in this world will ever be as brave as you Buffy" I saw, using my thumbs to wipe the tears away.

Buffy heaves a massive sigh and leans her head against mine. She doesn't linger there long though, Buffy tilts her head back a tiny bit so that were eye level. The Slayer takes hold of my hands without looking away from me. She twines our fingers together gently and leans in slowly. Our lips brush together softly in another small kiss but we both linger, refusing to give up the small piece of contact. "Thank-you" she whispers against my lips.


	26. Chapter 26

After a few precious moments we finally pull back. I can't take me eyes off her and Buffy's are locked on mine just the same. We both laugh quietly then Buffy turns away, embarrassed. After that we get up from the steps and head back in to clean up the mess.

The Slayer calls Rupert quickly to let him know what happened. She told him not to worry about coming over tonight. After their quick phone call Buffy said Rupert would come by in the morning to identify the demon body lurking around in the basement.

We don't talk about the kiss, but it's not awkward. We start to clean and once we realised the disassembled coffee table wouldn't be able to see another day we chucked it into the trash. The house was once again clean but filled with slightly less stuff. The Slayer and I decided it was ok if she went on patrol tonight by herself while I stayed here with Dawn in case some other beastie came a knocking. Usually Glinda would take Dawn to a movie while we were out slaying but I didn't want to chance it.

Tara had seemed to be back to her normal self again which was definitely good. We decided not to bring it up with her though. Seems like the Red had done it unintentionally after all.

The night passed by without any demon activity and me and Bit sat telling scary stories for most of the night, trying to one up each other. Dawn was fast asleep by the time Buffy returned. She collapsed onto the sofa with a sigh. Something apparently had got a lot of demon beasties riled up tonight; Buffy said there had been major slaying going on.

"I've been thinking about the money situation all night. It's obvious I need to get a job." I narrow my eyes at her from across the room. "Buffy love, you have a job. Granted it's a load of bloody rot, but you'll run yourself ragged trying to work and be the Slayer at the same time."

"I don't have any other option Spike, we need food on the table, electricity, water" Buffy replies. Surely she can't be serious. The Slayer can't surely think she's ready to be out in the world again. I step towards her and sit in a chair opposite her. "Of course there's another option Slayer. I might as well earn my keep, so I'll get the job. Maybe ask down at Willy's if he needs some kind of bouncer."

Buffy leaned forward on the sofa and then rested her head against her hands. "I can't let you do that Spike, this is my family to take care of. You're doing enough already just by being here."

"Not to mention the fact that I wouldn't feel safe here without you. What if something happens and I lose it again?" she added after a second. I was about to answer, but it seemed Buffy still had more to say.

"What if go away and I can't come back? What if I hurt Dawn? What if I hurt myself?" She let out a long sigh and looked away from me. "I'm not ready for you to not be here." I was touched. But Buffy was right, we needed money. A thought came to me as we sat in silence. The thought made me cringe but it was the best I could come up with.

"I have a plan Buffy, but I'm not sure how much you're going to like it." She slowly looked back at me. "Let me hear it." Oh god. I'm really going to say this.  
"Angel could come and look after you" I said looking down at my hands only to notice I was wringing them roughly. "He said earlier he'd give you the money, but I knew you would never take it." The Slayer hadn't said anything yet and we both sat there avoiding eye contact.

After a few more moments of awkward silence Buffy finally spoke. "I can't have him in this house, especially after what happened last time. He wouldn't understand me like you do. Angel wouldn't know what I needed like you magically somehow do. But I can't take the money either, you were right about that."

I feel like I'm glowing inside from her words. I can see that she needs me here. I wouldn't want Peaches here anyway. He'd only make Buffy feel bad for not being the same girl she was before she jumped anyway. Definitely the worst plan I had ever come up with thus far in my unlife.

"Why don't we just rest for tonight, we'll talk about it in the morning. I can see you're tired Buffy" I say to her just before she says something. She blows out a breath and stands up. "Annoyingly, you're right as usual. I'll see you in the morning Spike" she whispered, giving me a shy smile.  
"Goodnight Buffy."

I listened out for the click of Buffy's bedroom door closing and once I heard it I got up from my seat and shrugged into my duster. I stepped out onto the back porch and lit up a cigarette. I needed to come up with some sort of plan to help the girls. I took off towards Willy's as soon as stomped out my cigarette; there was no harm in just inquiring if there was some sort of job, even just for a backup plan.

I was heading back up the path of the Slayers house in under an hour. I opened the door quietly, and strolled into the kitchen happily. Willy had said I could be a bouncer at the bar, and that I could even just turn up when I wanted and he'd pay me for the night. I continued warming up some blood and leaned against the counter sipping it once it was done. It was then that I heard it, but only barely.

There was a heartbroken sob coming from upstairs. I chugged down the rest of the mug and slowly followed the sounds through the house. I knew it was Buffy, sometimes I'd wake in the night and hear her quietly crying in her room. But this sounded different, the cry was full of despair almost without hope. I'd never heard such a sad sound.

I stopped at her door and tapped on it lightly. If Buffy heard me or not I don't know but I slowly turned the handle and stepped into her pitch black room. Being as accustomed to the dark as I was, I see her easily. Buffy's covers lay bunched up at the bottom of her bed. She was lying dead straight in her bed, arms at sides as well. Perspiration covered her body from head to toe and her head was thrashing around wildly as she continued to cry. The weirdest thing about the whole scene though was that Buffy was still fast asleep.

I took tentative steps towards her and called out her name, but to no avail. I gently reached down to tug on her shoulder slightly to see if that would rouse her, but still nothing. I didn't know what to do. So I did nothing, I sat on her bad and watched over her. Tucking her hair behind her ear and whispering to her even though I knew she couldn't hear me.

I had only been sitting for around ten minutes when things started to get worse. Her hands were twitching and sweat poured from her body, her breathing had also become ragged. I'm just about to wake her when suddenly Buffy sat bolt upright in her bed gasping and grabbing at her heart. It was like something from a horror film.

Buffy's eyes were wide open and staring at me, but she was looking right through me. I scooted closer to her and rubbed her back gently as she attempted to get her breathing back under control. After a few minutes she glances in my direction and I place my hand over her shaking ones. Silent tears make tracks down her cheeks but I don't say a word and wait for her to explain.

Finally the Slayer speaks up after nearly twenty minutes. "Please don't ask me Spike, not about this. And please don't tell Giles about this in the morning. It would be best for everyone if you forgot this ever happened ok?" She asks sternly. I nod my agreement and stand up from her bed. "I don't like this Buffy. It seems serious" I say as I cross the floor to stand at the threshold of room.

The Slayer looks up at me with tired eyes and distress clearly etched on her face, but there's something else there, hidden behind her fine-looking features. Fear, panic and pure terror mixed into one. "Just the usual. Slayer dreams" she says trying to make things seem perfectly normal with a quick shrug of her shoulders and a look that says 'what you going to do about it'. I scoff in her direction. "I call bullshit Slayer, I can see right through you." I don't say anything more though and I don't give her time to answer, I just turn down the hall and leave.

I had gone from feeling euphoric and blessed when Buffy and I had kissed to wanting to throw a large metal object at her head. Women. Infuriating.


	27. Chapter 27

It's around noon when I wake up. Bit's already in school and I take my time making breakfast. I can hear both the Watcher and Buffy down in the basement talking about the latest beastie. As they both enter the kitchen the Slayer gives me a warning kind of look. "I'm saying nout to your Watcher, Slayer" I say quiet enough that I know Rupert won't hear but Buffy will. She nods almost imperceptibly and smiles at me. I just turn the other way and enjoy my meal not wanting to get sucked into the way her face transforms beautifully when she smiles.

After a while the Watcher leaves and Buffy comes to sit opposite me in the living room. "I'm not going to apologize for not telling you Spike" she says looking directly at me. I quickly turn so I'm facing her too. "I know you Slayer, never expected you to say sorry, it's not who we are pet. The whole bloody world has secrets luv, it's nothing new to me."

I get up from the sofa and head down the steps into the basement stopping near the bottom where the water has risen too. I pull out a cigarette, put it between my lips and light it quickly. I can hear the Slayer following me though and I turn as she opens the basement door. "What are you doing?"  
"What does it look like I'm soddin' doin' pet, can't well smoke outside when the sun is out there blistering away waiting to make me into a pile of ash just floating on the wind now can I?" I answer.

"Oh, well thanks for doing it in the basement then" she says. But I can see she's not done. "Why are you being this way, all cold shouldery? You're supposed to have my back, not judge me when I don't tell you something" she says raising her voice. I flick the finished cigarette into the water and rise up a few steps so we're at the same level.

"Are you completely off ya rocker Slayer? I'm bloody agreeing with you luv, and you're trying to turn it into a fight with me." Buffy crosses her arms over and chest and stares down at me. The saying 'if looks could kill' came instantly to mind. What had gotten the Slayer's panties all in a twist all of a sudden?

"That's just it though, you're not. I can see it, you're judging me" she shouts and pokes me in the chest. "What the bloody hell has gotten into you today Slayer, and you better not shove me again. I'm not you're little Scooby Gang Blondie, I'll put you in your place if you make me luv, make no mistake about that." Buffy gave a look that just screamed 'go on, I dare you' and hell, who was I disappoint?

I stepped past her on the stairs so I was standing on the one above her, towering over her. "You think I won't" I whispered into the space between us and quirking my eyebrow. Buffy just shook her head. So without any warning I lashed out, shoving her shoulders back.

Panic instantly took precedence in her features as she fell backwards, arms flailing at her sides. And then with a nice big satisfying splash the Slayer hit the water behind her.

Buffy came hurtling out of the water, hair covered her entire face and her thin frame moving quickly with her breaths. Buffy quickly wipes the hair from her face and looks up at me from the bottom of the basement seething. "Thought you needed to cool down a little pet, what better way than to take a quick dip in our new indoor pool.

The Slayer stomps up towards me, my smirk still plastered on my face knowing it will in infuriate her further. "You're insufferable!" she bellows as she shoves me none to gently aside so she can go up to the kitchen.

"Didn't stop you kissin' me last night though did it luv? Can't be the insufferable really can I?" I call up to her and she stomps through the house, my smile wide even though I know she can't see me. I hear her stop in the hallway somewhere. She shouts profanities at me and my laugh rumbles through the basement as I hear her continue to stomp through the house and up to her bedroom as she slams the door behind her.

I don't hear from Buffy for a while, most likely still sulking in her room. But then all of a sudden I hear a smash from upstairs and I slowly make my up the stairs. If Buffy was in some sort of trouble she'd call for my help, so I don't really know what I'm going to walk in to.

I step up to her door and listen. The only sound I hear is the glorious sound of her precious heartbeat. Before I get a chance to knock I hear her "You can come in Spike." I turn the handle and push open the door gently, steadying myself for anything. I almost smile when I see it's just a broken mirror. But then I quickly take in the situation, Buffy's standing in front of said broken mirror, pieces scattering the floor. There's a shard of the mirror still intact but with cracks running through it. In the reflection I can see a portion of Buffy's face, the Slayer has unshed tears sparkling in her eyes and she's looking at herself in a strange sort of way.

"I'm sorry 'bout early pet, lost my cool, didn't mean to upset you." Buffy lets out a humourless little laugh and turns her head towards me. "Don't be sorry, you were right. It was just one of those times where I blow up for no reason, not being in charge of your emotions sucks" she says, "I knew you wasn't judging me." I put my hand up to rest and her slender shoulders and she covers it with one of her own. "Tell me what's goin' through your pretty little head then luv, and what that poor mirror ever did to you." Buffy squeezes my hand lightly then drops it to her side.

"I don't recognize myself anymore. I feel so lost" Buffy whispers. "You see how these cracks in the mirror make my reflection all chaotic and tangled, that's how I feel. Like I'm a shattered piece of glass being forced back together, even when the pieces don't fit properly. Everything that's different in me is because someone put me back together wrong." She pauses for a moment before continuing. "People keep getting cut on all the sharp edges trying to fit me together."

"Kinda like your modern day Humpty Dumpty then ay luv?" I say, trying to lighten up a solemn Slayer. It doesn't work, and Buffy just continues staring into the only remaining shard in the mirror but then I hadn't really thought that it would. Not when she was in this kind of melancholy mood.

At that moment Dawn comes through the front door calling for us. "You go down and see Bit, I'll clean this up." Buffy nods silently and glides out the room without a backward glance. Looks like today is a _bad _day for this certain Chosen One.


	28. Chapter 28

If you are still reading this far, then thank-you for sticking with me on this.  
Sorry my updates have been a bit sporadic, I've been trying to make the most of the the English weather. Yet I still might as well be transparent. Curse my pale skin!

**Joss Whedon, in the hearts of geeks everywhere!**

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I clean up the mess quickly and notice the small smears of blood on a bunch of the broken shards. I'd have to check Buffy's hand when I went down to make sure she hadn't hurt herself. Taking the shards downstairs I hear Bit talking to Buffy about school.

After dumping the broken glass I stand in the doorway to the living room and watch my two favourite girls talking about school. Buffy's telling Bit some of the things she had to go through in school when her and her mum didn't know about Buffy being the Slayer.

She's telling Dawn about the time I crashed the parent teacher thing back when me and Buffy had only just met. Both girls turn to look at me. "I was the Big Bad," I say shrugging and smirking, "plus I heard school was where all the drama happened, and you know me, never one to miss an opportunity to cause mayhem." Buffy just shakes her head and turns away from me with a smile on her face.

But then I think back to that night. I can't help imagine what things would have been like if Joyce had turn up just a few seconds later. Buffy had stupidly thrown away her weapon and I was going in for the kill. An involuntary shudder ran through my entire body when I thought of something. If I had killed the Slayer that night, Nibblet wouldn't have been sent here, and then Joyce would have died alone in this house. There would have been no Summer's women left in the world. I felt sick at the thought of it.

I went over to check on Buffy's hand as Dawn went to start on her homework. It was just a small break in her small tender hands. Nothing that about an hour of Slayer healing couldn't fix.

Buffy was quiet for the rest of the day. She hadn't eaten a single thing at dinner and Dawn had noticed it too. After dinner was finished Buffy floated off to the living room while me and Bit got to tidying. Dawn nodded her head towards the Slayer's general direction and then did a shoo'ing motion at me.

She wanted me to make things better for her sister. "I can only do so much Nibblet, you understand that." She nods in a defeated kind of way. "This is goin' to take time Bit, the worst of Buffy's wounds are psychological and I can't always help her with that. Spent about a hundred years tryin' ta help Dru and nothin' ever really came of it."

Dawn gave me a horrified look. Oh god, that was definitely the wrong thing to say. "Not that Buffy is going to need a hundred years or anything like that" I stammered out quickly. "Umm, what I meant was that people go at their own pace Dawnie. The Slayer has so many ties that hold her here and she couldn't live without any of you, so we just gotta wait for 'er to come back to us, that's all."

When I did finally go seek out the Slayer - after Dawn had finished throwing daggers at me with her eyes – I found her sitting on the stairs staring at the phone. "Someone you wanna call pet?" She looked up me startled, like I had just appeared out of nowhere. "I don't know, maybe" she whispers shaking her head.

Buffy puts her face in her hands and sighs, then mumbles through her hands, "I need to talk to someone who understands me, who knows me." I sit myself down next to her on the step she's occupying and my hand to her chin, tilting it to look at me. "I know you Summers, like the back of my own bloody hand." She smiles at me gently, but then it turns sad.

"I know you do, I honestly don't know where I would be if you didn't. But you don't understand me, do you?" she whispers. I shake my head. "I thought so."  
"I don't understand half the soddin' things you do or say Slayer," I say with a tight smile. "But I suppose it's all just part of the mystery that surrounds you and your kind, luv. There isn't anyone that will ever truly understand you Buffy, and I'm sorry for that."

Buffy stands and she looks nervous. "There is so much darkness in me now, I can feel it. I'm drowning it. It whispers to me in the dark" she says shaking her head back and forward. "Terrible things no one should ever think and I think it's winning now." Her shoulders sag and Buffy bows her head.

"But there is someone Spike. Who knows exactly what I'm talking about. We're one and the same, just two sides to the same coin. She's the reflection of everything that I am, be it a much more grunge-y reflection that makes wrong decisions sometimes but a reflection none the less. I hear she's doing better now though, hopefully she'll be able to talk me back into sanity and staying on the side of good." Buffy gives a kind of crazy laugh and it's making me nervous. I still haven't a clue who she's talking about though.

"Never in my life would I think I would ever be doing this, especially in my newly resurrected life at that. Shows how much things have changed I guess. Pass me the phone please Spike" she says so politely and proper. Buffy takes the receiver and dials quickly, still standing in front of me.

"Hi, it's me." I can't hear the exact words but I can tell who it is. Peaches. I scowl at her for a second before she notices and holds a finger up to me. "No, everything is ok, I'm fine." I snort and she gives me her own scowl in return. "I was calling because I need a number that I know you have. And before you even try to talk me out of it, I just need to talk to her, I need her help Angel. Do you think she'll talk to me?" Buffy pauses for a second listening, and throws in the occasional 'okay' and 'yes'.

Buffy thanks him and then hangs. She turns away from me but I can see she's nervous. Her eyes are darting about and her heartbeat has picked up significantly. The Slayer was hardly ever nervous so it was interesting to watch her this way. I committed everything to memory. The way she rang her hands back and forward and started pacing in the hallway.

I heard her take in a huge breath and she suddenly stopped pacing. "Here goes nothing. Man up Summers, you can do this." It was cute, the most feared creature in the world was giving herself a pep talk just to make a phone call.

Buffy moves past me on the stairs and walks into her bedroom. Clearly showing I wasn't invited to eavesdrop of the conversations. I guess it was on of things a Slayer had to do on her own. So while Buffy was upstairs talking to a mystery girl, he Bit moved into the living room to watch Passions, telling Dawnie the current plotlines for each character that she pointed to when they came on screen.

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I'm going to post two chapters next time because I'm going to put the telephone conversation with Faith up next, from Faith's pov. If you're not that bothered about it or you just don't like Faith then you have the option to ignore it completely.


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